The Job

The Job
Chapter One: The Jump

he remembered the gust of wind blowing past his face. he was moving so fast that even for the 5 seconds he felt free. he let go of all his fears. his mind blank, a smile still on his face as he hit the dirt. then he felt nothing. nothing until he felt a nudge, and he opened his eyes. and there stood a man, expressionless. just staring at him. and he spoke, "you`re dead. now you have to come with me".
"i just killed myself so that i don't want to be told what to do, why would you even dream that i`d go with you?" he said indignant.
"even if you don't want to, you have no choice" said the expressionless man and closed his eyes. and with his eyes everything went black.
then he heard the sea, waves crashing on the beach. and then light. it was light, orangish, yellowish, but there was no sun, there was no sky either. the whole place was of that light. God has style he thought. there were no chairs. no tables and it wasn't a room. just light with the sound of waves. and then she was in front of him. he was taken aback. it was as if she appeared out of thin air, of course she did he thought.
she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, she was perfect. i just committed suicide he thought. why am i in heaven?
"you are not in heaven" she said reading his thoughts.
"is there never free will" he thought.
"there is, otherwise you wouldn't be here, me knowing what you are thinking doesn't change your ability to make decisions, stupid ones at that" she said her eyes twinkling. she was enjoying this he thought.
"ok, so where is "this"? he asked.
"hell" she replied simply.
"so wheres the fire? the moaning souls? torture chambers?" he asked with a little bit of sarcasm.
"below us" she said and stepped back. there appeared a hole on the spot she was standing before and he could see hell. mountains of humans almost entwined together. yelling in miserable pain. with unmeasurable agony. being burnt. and regenerated. crushed. tortured. a mountain of people yelling for death every 5 five minutes of being reborn. he stepped back shocked. for the first time regretting being there. killing himself.
"not a nice sight is it?" she asked her eyes still twinkling, smiling.
"no its not, why am i up here, rather than there?" he asked, just a question to prolong his stay away from whats below him.
"i have a job for you" she said again simply.
"aaannd that is?" he asked still thinking about the fires below.
"kill God" she replied with almost no emotion whatsoever.
"Erm forgive my ignorance but woudnt he know that you just told me that?" he said still dazed from her reply.
"yes he will. i was too blunt for you, maybe. i want you to return to earth and kill the idea of Gods existence from the world." she replied her eyes twinkling again.
"how?" he asked.
"that you will not know, but if you agree you will bend to my will till i reach my goal, the end of the world" she replied.
"and if i dont" he asked already knowing the answer.
"you know the answer to that question" she answered.
"why woudnt i know?" he asked.
"you will be a puppet i create. the standing bet i have with Him gives me the right to mold humans like you but yet i cant force you to obey later, if you do not agree now."
"anything, i just dont want to be there" he replied pointing downwards with his eyes.
"so be it" she said. "i`ll see you here again". she smiled.
everything went black. his mind blank. no memories. no emotions. no thoughts. just sleep. the walls around him started to pulse, constrict, pushing him out. he felt the liquid around him leave him. pushing him out. and then it was so bright. he coundnt see. just blurred images of color.
he coundnt hear, but his mother when her son brought to her, looked up to see his face her face glowing, and with a whisper she said "Cypselus my son".

thank you

most people get to fall in love once, others are lucky.

i look at myself, and i see, the darkness around me,
i hear, the laughter inside me,
the cackle of disaster, the voice of an impostor.
and then i see you, the darkness vaporises around me,
i don't go deaf, but the laughter recedes inside me,
i become myself again.
the painful memories, the empty thoughts,
the mementos of destruction,
finally leave me.
you help me back onto my feet, you scold me,
control me, and tell me, i could be what i always dreamed i would be,
happy,
and i say thank you, for all your care,
thank you for my grief you have shared, and thank you for believing in me,
when i gave up life, thank you, for holding onto me.

red

ring around the bodies,
a casket full of phonies,
ashes, ashes, we all fall dead.

even the smallest little things... how old u grow.. u never grow..u r never free.. i wana be a kid whose independent..

Ultimate Candy

God treats us the way we would treat our kids. I mean God tells us not to lie, fornicate, get high, gamble etc. etc. We tell our kids not to jump up on the bed, nor say bad words, no football in the living room, etc. etc. and in the end we, both humans and God alike make a promise. God promises of heaven, we promise the kids whatever they would find "heaven like" IF they behave.
Heaven is the ultimate candy for any man or woman. Ignoring the usual facts of being able to do anything there, i have thought of another reason why i`d be happy IF i went to heaven. IF i do get to heaven and pass its doors, gates, or "something really cool that i don't even know about", i`d know that this life i`m going through was worth it. I`m going to know that child molesters, rapists, killers are in hell, burning as they should. That would be one hell of a satisfaction woudnt it?
I thought God was strict, and he is. And dont let your islam teacher fool you when she says, "Islam dheenakee heyo faseyha kamuge dheenekey". Its not. I`m no expert on it but still for me its not easy, and i`m thinking that it is the whole point. Life and religion and rules were not made to be easy. It was meant to be hard, degrading, cruel but then again to be followed, with dashes of happiness and pinches of hope. We may not be the universal scientific experiment, or maybe we are. Just have to wait and see dho? We`d know either way in Heaven or Hell.

unconditional darkness

life gives you this hope. this elavation. its like im in a womb again. i dont open my eyes. i dont breath from my nose. i dont eat from my mouth. i dont do anything except comfortably stay in one place. occasionally kick around to get to a better position. womb is not like a cage. its the perfect place to be. oblivious to the world. comfortable. and then you get pushed out. you feel cold rubber gloves hold you around tight. thats when everything you think your life can be, changes. you planned to stay there comfortably. undisturbed. then theres lights, and voices and ugly faces. all telling you what to do. what not to do. what cant be done. and they explain to you why. like i care. i was in the perfect place i wanted to be. i was safe. i was secure. i was warm. i was loved. and i had to do nothing to get all that. at the time just my existence was enough to love me. i was not subjected to dissapointments. i was not subjected to be the source of pain. unconditional love. i think thats the only place and the only time in anyones life that they get it. but you never stop wishing for it. you never stop hoping. you never stop planning. i dont. many think thats my weakest point. i think so too but i wudnt stop. if i stop i know im giving up. what else do i have to live for?

i felt stupid, down, and unreasonably moody today but some people did cheer me up. thanx. you know who u r.

coffee

coffees are the best medicine to lifes ups and downs. but aaahhh wudnt it be nice if we got them for free all the time??? -_o

P.R.O.Z.A.C

"you`re like santa clause..on prozac..in disneyland.. getting laid" phoebe - FRIENDS

i dont know how people like (described above) survive in this world. maybe not as extreme but you are there arnt you?

im not an optimist. why be one? whats being an optimist anyway, its like (to me) of being a pushover. you hope for stuff and when you dont get it you`re ok with it? and thats what always happens. you never get it. and what smile about it? hope for the best later? appreciate what you already have? im tired. looking at people smiling at each other knowing they both hate each other. im tired of being in the middle of two people doing exactly the same thing to each other and trying to find a justification for their actions. im tired of being that guy. im tired of being wrong all the time. im tired of acting. im tired of trying to genuinely smile sometimes when im boiling inside. im tired of just being ok. and im tired of people smiling at me when they want something and not give a fuck when they dont. accept that? nooooway. and you`d be lying if you say you dont go through it. thats a life we all go through and i dont see any, any reason to be happy about it. how do you guys do it?

"Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight

Until the end of my life

I don't know if it's worth it anymore"

we have a sick twisted reality. where anyone can do almost anything and still get away with it, if they have the power. and power is up for grabs. the majority gives them the power and sit back and complain. be optimistic about that? why? your grandmother is on her deathbed but you`re too busy to go see her once because you`re having a coffee with your friends or sex with your gf or work or whatever. and she`s supposed to say "oh well, he loved me even if he didnt show it" and forgive you and be ok with it? and that happened... i just dont know how she did it. i dont know.

"Far away

This ship is taking me far away

Far away from the memories

Of the people who care if I live or die"

expectations? dont you guys have them? optimists i mean, and i will walk around naked if anyone can tell me that 50% of their expectations have been fullfilled. the way you wanted it to anyway. how do you guys smile in the morning (except for you annoying "morning people"). when you get up doesnt the rush of being alone or defeated or poor or betrayed come whizzing into your heads? i cant sleep as much, but when i do its a relief, its the best high (i`ve recently learned) but like all highs you get slammed back to reality and usually its in the morning. you get up humming? me i just wish i could go back to sleep. but have to work, have to earn..gota buy cigarettes. :$ but you guys hum. and you`re genuinely happy that its another great day to be screwed over. ok ok not everyday is like that. most days i actually smile too. regardless of what i have rambled on about. because there are things that go right in my life. its good. its great. but i dont have reasons to go over the moon about it. appreciate it, yes. but hope that it would happen all the time? noway. not now.

"Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations"

i have learned something about life, it dishes out but changes menu all the time and its like humans, it chooses the easy thing to make, the cheaper thing to make, the convinient thing to make, and those are never happy. not when it comes to you anyway.

"My life

You electrify my life

Let's conspire to re-ignite

All the souls that would die just to feel alive"

pandoras box

once upon a time there was a girl named pendora.
and inbetween her legs she held a secret called the pandoras box.
this box could only be opened by one person, and who that was, was unknown. only that he would be small, and rise from the sands.
pandora searched for the bearer of this key for almost an eternity.
and in her journeys from one end of the world to the other, she was travelling across a desert when from the sand itself emerged a boy.
the boy was wearing nothing but what nature had given him and pandora thought "Hmmmmm... nice".
and he was the one she was searching for... as he was asked, he put the key in, turned the key until all the whiteness inside him had dissapeared into the pandoras box and then all hell broke loose.



she got pregnant and her family got mad, and kicked the naked boys ass. and pandora got slapped on the butt by government people and so did the boy.

my life

poor thing

read

a bow to creation

bloody vampires

"adult" swing

so much alive

cage

void

7 steps away from civilisation

death