P.R.O.Z.A.C

"you`re like santa clause..on prozac..in disneyland.. getting laid" phoebe - FRIENDS

i dont know how people like (described above) survive in this world. maybe not as extreme but you are there arnt you?

im not an optimist. why be one? whats being an optimist anyway, its like (to me) of being a pushover. you hope for stuff and when you dont get it you`re ok with it? and thats what always happens. you never get it. and what smile about it? hope for the best later? appreciate what you already have? im tired. looking at people smiling at each other knowing they both hate each other. im tired of being in the middle of two people doing exactly the same thing to each other and trying to find a justification for their actions. im tired of being that guy. im tired of being wrong all the time. im tired of acting. im tired of trying to genuinely smile sometimes when im boiling inside. im tired of just being ok. and im tired of people smiling at me when they want something and not give a fuck when they dont. accept that? nooooway. and you`d be lying if you say you dont go through it. thats a life we all go through and i dont see any, any reason to be happy about it. how do you guys do it?

"Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight

Until the end of my life

I don't know if it's worth it anymore"

we have a sick twisted reality. where anyone can do almost anything and still get away with it, if they have the power. and power is up for grabs. the majority gives them the power and sit back and complain. be optimistic about that? why? your grandmother is on her deathbed but you`re too busy to go see her once because you`re having a coffee with your friends or sex with your gf or work or whatever. and she`s supposed to say "oh well, he loved me even if he didnt show it" and forgive you and be ok with it? and that happened... i just dont know how she did it. i dont know.

"Far away

This ship is taking me far away

Far away from the memories

Of the people who care if I live or die"

expectations? dont you guys have them? optimists i mean, and i will walk around naked if anyone can tell me that 50% of their expectations have been fullfilled. the way you wanted it to anyway. how do you guys smile in the morning (except for you annoying "morning people"). when you get up doesnt the rush of being alone or defeated or poor or betrayed come whizzing into your heads? i cant sleep as much, but when i do its a relief, its the best high (i`ve recently learned) but like all highs you get slammed back to reality and usually its in the morning. you get up humming? me i just wish i could go back to sleep. but have to work, have to earn..gota buy cigarettes. :$ but you guys hum. and you`re genuinely happy that its another great day to be screwed over. ok ok not everyday is like that. most days i actually smile too. regardless of what i have rambled on about. because there are things that go right in my life. its good. its great. but i dont have reasons to go over the moon about it. appreciate it, yes. but hope that it would happen all the time? noway. not now.

"Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations"

i have learned something about life, it dishes out but changes menu all the time and its like humans, it chooses the easy thing to make, the cheaper thing to make, the convinient thing to make, and those are never happy. not when it comes to you anyway.

"My life

You electrify my life

Let's conspire to re-ignite

All the souls that would die just to feel alive"