nut!?!

"Mind is not a celestial state with idle hymns of praise" - Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam; Angel

red Angel

most were being good for goodness sake
but you wouldn't pantomine
you are more beautiful when you awake
than most are in a lifetime
through the haze that is my memory
you stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

i know i can be colorful
i know i can be gray
i know this loser's living fortunate
cause i know you will love me either way

for my Angel, miss you alot loabs.

P.R.O.Z.A.C

"you`re like santa clause..on prozac..in disneyland.. getting laid" phoebe - FRIENDS

i dont know how people like (described above) survive in this world. maybe not as extreme but you are there arnt you?

im not an optimist. why be one? whats being an optimist anyway, its like (to me) of being a pushover. you hope for stuff and when you dont get it you`re ok with it? and thats what always happens. you never get it. and what smile about it? hope for the best later? appreciate what you already have? im tired. looking at people smiling at each other knowing they both hate each other. im tired of being in the middle of two people doing exactly the same thing to each other and trying to find a justification for their actions. im tired of being that guy. im tired of being wrong all the time. im tired of acting. im tired of trying to genuinely smile sometimes when im boiling inside. im tired of just being ok. and im tired of people smiling at me when they want something and not give a fuck when they dont. accept that? nooooway. and you`d be lying if you say you dont go through it. thats a life we all go through and i dont see any, any reason to be happy about it. how do you guys do it?

"Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight

Until the end of my life

I don't know if it's worth it anymore"

we have a sick twisted reality. where anyone can do almost anything and still get away with it, if they have the power. and power is up for grabs. the majority gives them the power and sit back and complain. be optimistic about that? why? your grandmother is on her deathbed but you`re too busy to go see her once because you`re having a coffee with your friends or sex with your gf or work or whatever. and she`s supposed to say "oh well, he loved me even if he didnt show it" and forgive you and be ok with it? and that happened... i just dont know how she did it. i dont know.

"Far away

This ship is taking me far away

Far away from the memories

Of the people who care if I live or die"

expectations? dont you guys have them? optimists i mean, and i will walk around naked if anyone can tell me that 50% of their expectations have been fullfilled. the way you wanted it to anyway. how do you guys smile in the morning (except for you annoying "morning people"). when you get up doesnt the rush of being alone or defeated or poor or betrayed come whizzing into your heads? i cant sleep as much, but when i do its a relief, its the best high (i`ve recently learned) but like all highs you get slammed back to reality and usually its in the morning. you get up humming? me i just wish i could go back to sleep. but have to work, have to earn..gota buy cigarettes. :$ but you guys hum. and you`re genuinely happy that its another great day to be screwed over. ok ok not everyday is like that. most days i actually smile too. regardless of what i have rambled on about. because there are things that go right in my life. its good. its great. but i dont have reasons to go over the moon about it. appreciate it, yes. but hope that it would happen all the time? noway. not now.

"Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations"

i have learned something about life, it dishes out but changes menu all the time and its like humans, it chooses the easy thing to make, the cheaper thing to make, the convinient thing to make, and those are never happy. not when it comes to you anyway.

"My life

You electrify my life

Let's conspire to re-ignite

All the souls that would die just to feel alive"

M&M

STAN

{chorus: dido}

My teas gone cold

Im wondering why i..

Got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window..

And I cant see at all

And even if I could itll all be gray,

But your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that its not so bad,

Its not so bad..

1st chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background 2nd chorus: full volume with beat right after thunder noise

[eminem as stan]

Dear slim, I wrote but you still aint callin

I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom

I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got em

There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot em

But anyways; fuck it, whats been up? man hows your daughter? My girlfriends pregnant too, Im bout to be a fatherIf I have a daughter, guess what ima call her?

Ima name her bonnie

I read about your uncle ronnie too Im sorry

I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didnt want him

I know you probably hear this everyday, but Im your biggest fan

I even got the underground shit that you did with skam

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures manI like the shit you did with rawkus too, that shit was fatAnyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,

Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fanThis is stan

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as stan]

Dear slim, you still aint called or wrote, I hope you have a chanceI aint mad - I just think its fucked up you dont answer fans

If you didnt wanna talk to me outside your concert

You didnt have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for matthew

Thats my little brother man, hes only six years oldWe waited in the blistering cold for you,Four hours and you just said, no.

Thats pretty shitty man - youre like his fuckin idol

He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I doI aint that mad though, I just dont like bein lied to

Remember when we met in denver - you said if Id write you

You would write back - see Im just like you in a way

I never knew my father neither;He used to always cheat on my mom and beat herI can relate to what youre saying in your songs

So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put em on

Cause I dont really got shit else so that shit helps when Im depressed

I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleedsIts like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it

My girlfriends jealous cause I talk about you 24/7

But she dont know you like I know you slim, no one does

She dont know what it was like for people like us growin up

You gotta call me man, Ill be the biggest fan youll ever lose

Sincerely yours, stan -- p.s.

We should be together too

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as stan]

Dear mister-im-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans,

Thisll be the last package I ever send your ass

Its been six months and still no word - I dont deserve it? I know you got my last two letters;I wrote the addresses on em perfect

So this is my cassette Im sending you, I hope you hear it

Im in the car right now, Im doing 90 on the freeway

Hey slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by phil collins, in the air of the nightAbout that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowningBut didnt, then phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him? Thats kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowningNow its too late - Im on a 1000 downers now, Im drowsy

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a callI hope you know I ripped +all+ of your pictures off the wallI love you slim, we coulda been together, think about it

You ruined it now, I hope you cant sleep and you dream about it

And when you dream I hope you cant sleep and you scream about it

I hope your conscience eats at you and you cant breathe without me

See slim; {*screaming*} shut up bitch! Im tryin to talk!

Hey slim, thats my girlfriend screamin in the trunk

But I didnt slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I aint like you

Cause if she suffocates shell suffer more, and then shell die tooWell, gotta go, Im almost at the bridge nowOh shit, I forgot, howm I supposed to send this shit out?

{*car tires squeal*} {*crash*}.. {*brief silence*} .. {*loud splash*}

{chorus: dido}

[eminem]

Dear stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy

You said your girlfriends pregnant now, how far along is she? Look, Im really flattered you would call your daughter that

And heres an autograph for your brother,I wrote it on the starter cap

Im sorry I didnt see you at the show, I musta missed you

Dont think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you

But whats this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clownin dogg,Cmon - how fucked up is you? You got some issues stan, I think you need some counseling

To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some

And whats this shit about us meant to be together?

That type of shitll make me not want us to meet each otherI really think you and your girlfriend need each other

Or maybe you just need to treat her betterI hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time

Before you hurt yourself, I think that youll be doin just fine

If you relax a little, Im glad I inspire you but stan

Why are you so mad? try to understand, that I do want you as a fan

I just dont want you to do some crazy shitI

seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick

Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge

And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid

And in the car they found a tape, but they didnt say who it was to

Come to think about, his name was.. it was you

Damn!

rockstar

I don't want to be
a loser...no!...
I don't want to be
an almost was
I don't want to be a white trash
Working class chump
I don't want to be a loser anymore

That's why I want to be
a rock star
I want to be the king
I want to be on top, yeah
I just want to be a rock star
Yeah...
now I just want to be famous
I want to be the guy
That everybody wants
[laughter]

I want to be on TV shows
And wear designer clothes
I want a girlfriend who does
not drink beer
I want to drive a fast car
And sleep with certain
movie stars
I want to sing the songs
That all those little people
Want to hear

I just want to be a rock star
I want to be like all those
people up in first class
I just want to be a rock star
I want to tell the little people
They can kiss my ass

I just want to be a rock star
I just want to get laid
I just want to be a rock star
A different girl
For every day

That's why I want to be
a rock star
Be like all those guys
on the MTV
I just want to be a rock star
I want to make those girls on
the Real World
Fantasize about me

I just want to be a rock star
I want to be the king
I want to be on top
I just want to be a rock star
I just want to be famous

Everybody everywhere
wants to be famous
and everybody everywhere
wishes they could tell
Everybody everywhere
to go to Hell

I just want to be a rock star
I just want to get high
I just want to party like
a rock star
Until the day I die

I just want to be a rock star

free

" This feeling inside me
Finally found my life, I'm finally free
No longer torn in two
I learned about my life by living through you

This feeling inside me
Finally found my life, I'm finally free
No longer torn in two
Living my own life by learning from you"

irritating

Never win first place
I don't support the team
I can't take direction and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me
my parents hated me
I was always in a fight
cuz I can't do nothin right
Every day I fight a war against a mirror
I can't take the person staring back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you dont know yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else
yeah
L.A. told me
you could be a pop star
all you have to change is everything you are
Tired of being compared
to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty
That just ain't me
so doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin
a day in the life of someone else
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself
don't let me
I'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you dont know yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
yeah
don't let me get me dont let me
im my own worst enemy
its bad when you dont know yourself
so irritating
don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
so doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin
a day in the life of someone else
don't let me get

oh I'm a hazard to myself
yeah
don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you dont know yourself
yourself
so irritating
don't wanna be my friend no more
i wanna be somebody else
dont let me get me
im my own worst enemy
its bad when you dont know yourself
so irritating
don't wanna be my friend no more
i wanna be somebody else
dont let me get me

ur as precious as mine - concrete sky

Faith has a good side still everyone she ever loved they all turned bad

Constance his own way of breathing and you know

You couldn't will him to survive

Couldn't will him if you if you tried, and there's a concrete sky

Falling from the trees again and you know now why

It's not coming round too soonIt's harder than a heartbreak too

I've seen your good side but I still don't know just what it is

That you might want

See you've got your own way of moving

And you know you could save meSave your soul,

I'll save some of you

Save my soul, feel like I'm falling fell like I'm falling

And there's a concrete sky Falling from the trees again and you know now why

It's not coming round too soon, it's harder than a heartbreak too

It's tough enough what love will doSo much time gets lost in my mind

But I know now what I must rely on

It's a sound and forgetting, ain't the worst thing

I've been out walking don't do too much talking

Wouldn't take too much time, wouldn't take all your time

Cos it's as precious as mine

Save my soul,

I'll save some for you

Save my soul feel like I'm falling feel like

I'm fallingAnd there's a concrete sky

Falling from the trees again and you know now why

It's not coming round too soon, it's harder than a heartbreak too

It's tough enough what love will do

And you're as precious as mine

changeeverythingyouareandeverythingyouwereyournumberhasbeencalledfightsbattleshavebegunrevengewillsurelycome

Far awayThis ship is taking me far awayFar away from the memoriesOf the people who care if I live or dieStarlightI will be chasing the starlightUntil the end of my lifeI don't know if it's worth it anymoreHold you in my armsI just wanted to holdYou in my armsMy lifeYou electrify my lifeLet's conspire to re-igniteAll the souls that would die just to feel aliveBut I'll never let you goIf you promised not to fade awayNever fade awayOur hopes and expectationsBlack holes and revelationsOur hopes and expectationsBlack holes and revelationsHold you in my armsI just wanted to holdYou in my armsFar awayThis ship is taking me far awayFar away from the memoriesOf the people who care if I live or dieAnd I'll never let you goIf you promise not to fade awayNever fade awayOur hopes and expectationsBlack holes and revelationsOur hopes and expectationsBlack holes and revelationsHold you in my armsI just wanted to holdYou in my armsI just wanted to hold

jaded

I know I've been mistaken,but just give me a break and see the changes that I've made.I've got some imperfections,But how can you collect them all And throw them in my face?But you always find a way to keep me right here waitingYou always find the words to say to keep me right here waitingAnd if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waitingSearching for the things to say to keep you right here waitingI hope you're not intendingTo be so condescending, it's as much as I can take.And you're so independent, you just refuse to bendSo I keep bending 'till I breakBut you always find a way to keep me right here waitingYou always find the words to say to keep me right here waitingAnd if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waitingSearching for the things to say to keep you right here waitingI've made a commitment, I'm willing to bleed for youI needed fulfillmentI found what I need in youWhy can't you just forgive me?I don't want to relive the mistakes I've made along the way

"I can't imagine why you wouldn't welcome any change, my friend"

Wings for marie (part 1)

You...
You believed ...
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me

A passionate spirit
Uncompromised
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Then immobilized.

Broken
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
"She never told a lie,
... well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life,
Didn't have a life,
But surely saved one."
See? I'm alright
Now it's time for us to let you go.


10,000 days (wings pt. 2)

Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.

But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?

And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...

Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?

High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You're going home.

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"

You are the light and way that they will only read about.

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."