Crimson Blood [Life]

when you were there,
and when you were not,
i kept thinking of you,
died to be with you,
it was like we were meant to be,
it was new ,exciting, fun, an end i could not see,
we tried so many things,
i was happier than many kings,
we shared so many tears,
gone together through our fears,
i can still see your smile,
the picture hazing all the while,
i felt naked with nothing to hide,
i was sure you were going to be my bride,
we had yet to go through so much,
but it was never meant to be so we had the big crunch,
i sailed away with no one beside me,
i had yet to find that life was worth living but over were we,
i know you know where i am,
i know you read this every time,
and you told me last to be honest, to be true,
so yeah let me tell you, i found somebody new.

i`m happy, i`m content but am my paranoid self but still she helps.. helps alot.

thank you

most people get to fall in love once, others are lucky.

i look at myself, and i see, the darkness around me,
i hear, the laughter inside me,
the cackle of disaster, the voice of an impostor.
and then i see you, the darkness vaporises around me,
i don't go deaf, but the laughter recedes inside me,
i become myself again.
the painful memories, the empty thoughts,
the mementos of destruction,
finally leave me.
you help me back onto my feet, you scold me,
control me, and tell me, i could be what i always dreamed i would be,
happy,
and i say thank you, for all your care,
thank you for my grief you have shared, and thank you for believing in me,
when i gave up life, thank you, for holding onto me.

red Angel

most were being good for goodness sake
but you wouldn't pantomine
you are more beautiful when you awake
than most are in a lifetime
through the haze that is my memory
you stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

i know i can be colorful
i know i can be gray
i know this loser's living fortunate
cause i know you will love me either way

for my Angel, miss you alot loabs.

Reality

he stared at the churning water. it was water with a tinge of yellow in it. i need to drink more water he thought. putting on his boxers he came out of the bathroom. wonder where all my friends are he thought, noones called me for a long time. he looked at his watch, oh its 3 in the morning. no wonder noones up. his computer was on, thats weird he thought i could have sworn i had fried her sockets before sleeping. But why is she blinking he thought? the beating he had given her wasnt enough?

he crept slowly near her? why was he afraid of his own computer he thought? something he loved? even given the fact that he blew her brains out every once inawhile. he knew she loved him back too, even after a power surge or even when her cables get damaged or eaten by rats she tries so hard to load up. and she does. most of the time. so why was he afraid? maybe because someday she would just blow up. leave him. get fed up? hurt him? he crept near. and reached out to touch her screen. her bright blue screen. he felt the cool glass. and then nothing. his hands went through it and a second later he was forced in.

blue, its so blue he thought. bright bright blue. this is crazy he thought? how the hell can a person be sucked into a computer? maybe because he did not have a problem with it? giving in? let him be taken.let her drive. show him what she wanted? what she feared? it was hot he thought. not a fire hot. not the kind you get burns from. not the kind you get cancer from. it was the hot you get after eating alot of pepper with mint leaves. but it was all around his body. not confined to the grinding, churning and mulching part of his anatomy. it felt good. almost ticklish. dangerous and safe at the same time. as if telling him she was no danger to him but the rest of the world, watch out. and then he felt nothing. maybe he closed his eyes too soon. he opened them and he was out of his computer. in the darkness of his room. he heard the raindrops falling carelessly on his window. felt the sweat formed on his face. a cat purred near his feet. her eyes trying to find reason for his absence. he didnt look down, he just smiled and thought; i love you too.

happy anni Angel

life is never perfect you taught me that. its not what you want it to be but thats ok you say, i loved you for that. i have been happy, i have been sad but most of all i`ve been really glad that for once in my life i know im secure and safe. im glad i have you. to love. happy anniversary Angel.