hollow,happy,honoured

ever wondered why people look at you for no apparent reason? people you dont know. you are stared at just because you existed. just because you were in their vicinity. but why stare though? what is it about you? do you look retarded or too good to be true? how can you be sure? we never see ourselves for who we are. we see images we create. we see what we would want to be. with a small voice in the back of our minds telling us, nagging. we are not what we show we are. that helps. for you. not for others. maybe its selfish, maybe its just survival. who cares really. if we did care that would not be enough. or invasion of privacy. that would be asking for... alot. why do people stare at you? i dunno. maybe they have nothing better to do. maybe they see something they like. maybe something they dont. i`ve learned to not give a damn. to alot of things.
i miss going for coffees with a person i call my friend. who is my friend :S . whose version of reality astounds me. its true. its interesting. its new. its scary. its realistic. and i do miss it. ever wonder what your life would be if you never let anything get to you? or never let anyone get to you. its not love. not just love. people. shit that happens. the lyrics of a song. what your mom says when she see`s you in the morning. when you see you daughter bleed. when you see yourself in the mirror. when you think about the stuff you wanted to do before you turn 50. a chapter from a novel. would we be able to call ourselves hollow if we dont let things get to us? if we really didnt care? or call it being safe and secure? and self satisfaction? i dunno. learning though.

"The selfish theyre all standing in line...
Faith in their hope and to buy themselves time.
Me, I figure as each breath goes by,
I only own my mind." Eddie Vedder - PearlJam