huvafen-unseen

happy together

2008-03-07T20:39:00.000+05:00

red hood - part 2

2008-03-05T17:48:00.000+05:00

Dazed with her head hurting Alive woke up her vision blurry she could still make out that she was in a small wooden shack, her hands and feet were tied down and she had a something over her mouth. Her red coat with a hood was infront of her, she saw that it was dirty, must have been when she fell down she thought. The child in her was screaming to be let out but she knew from common sense that someone had done this to her and she wasnt going anywhere until that someone returned.

Sunlight soon faded from the dirty windows in the shack and soon after she heard a rattling at the shacks doors, someone coming in she thought, she was going to meet him or her, she was afraid but she chose that she would not show it, she was a grown up now, she was thirteen.

The doors opened, and small fragile man came in, he carefully looked around outside and then closed the door. He didnt immediately look at her but she could see he was eyeing her from the corner of his eyes. He looked alot like the janitor from her public school she thought, maybe he`s doing this because i littered, dont be stupid Alice!

The man turned around he seemed harmless enough but she knew he wasnt, not when he smiled at her, he looked totally different then, just like how Tom looked when he thought he had Jerry captured she thought. He came closer and closer, at this point she had forgotten her decision to be brave and all she could do was whimper and wish this was all a dream. The man then lashed at her slapping her firmly in the face, and then while she sobbed silently, he took off the cloth on her mouth. Her immediate reaction was to scream, and she did, which gave her another sharp slap on her face. She could feel blood coming out of her nose now, and she thought, this is the end and i never even got to see my grandma. Not even give her the gift my mom brought to this world, me.

She laid down, all hope lost, exhausted and dehydrated when there came a loud banging from outside the shack. Someone was trying to come in, the man looked shocked, his eyes bulged, he took out a knife. Like a trapped dog in a cage he started to run from side to side, whispering to himself meanwhile the door was getting hit so hard, Alice herself thought something much worse was coming in and she screamed, help. Not to the person trying to come in, not to the person who brought her here but probably to God.

The next few seconds went very fast, but she always remebered it in slow motion, the door flew open, and a huge man stood there, almost like the wood cutter she thought, he came in and grabbed the small man and they fought for a few seconds to get the knife away from the molester. She was saved she thought, a feeling so overwhelming she fell uncouncious with fleetin glance of the small man begging for his life.

The irrtating beeping of her heart monitor woke her up. Groggily she got rubbing her eyes, not knowing where she was but the fact that she wasnt tied up and was in a comfortable hospital bed made her feel more secure. Her clothes and all her belongings were laid out on a chair infront of her bed, the red coat too, it seemed clean.

The nurse attending came in a few hours later to check up on her little patient only to find she was gone. The detectives later would view the security tapes of the hospital and see a small figure slowly walking past everyone, unnoticed as she exited the hospital, her red hood covering her face.

Five days later in small quite neighbourhood just outside the Las Vegas strip, and old lady was disturbed out of her after noon nap with the door bell. Walking as fast as her body would allow she went and opened the door to find a small child, smiling at her, eyes as green as hers, with blond hair sticking out from the sides of her hooded face. "Hi, my names Alice.." she started.

red hood - part 1

2008-03-03T23:17:00.004+05:00

Alice was an unfortunate soul. She was born into a life of misery. She was two when she was brought here to this small childrens home where the food was never enough, the clothes smelled dirty and where compassion or love was nowhere to be found. As her life progressed and she turned twelve, she started to find ways to get out of there, to be free, to be happy. As a twelve year old there was not much she could do but opportunity presented itself when she was taken to the offices of child services for her routine medical check up, clever and imaginative Alice then broke into their files to find any trace of her lost family. She learned that her mother had died giving birth to her, her mother didnt know her dad and her grandmother had refused to take care of her. I have a grandmother she thought, I have a family somewhere even though she didnt want me then, maybe when i show up she would. Alice young as she was thought this was worth trying. She found out her grandmothers last residence listed in the file, and with her small cookie monster pencil she noted it down in a small yellow sticky note. Content of the knowledge that she had still hope, she carefully slipped out of the office and out into the hall.

It had been almost a year since Alice found out about her grand mother, she had done research of how much money it would take to get to her grand mother. And slowly she had been saving it, it had taken her a year to actually get enough money,and now she was ready. On the eve of her thirteenth birthday she stole out of the residence, looking back at it and silently said Goodbye hoping against hope that it was the final one.

It was New York and it was midnight, she knew it was not safe enough to walk around in, but she needed to be out of the house before her handlers woke up. She walked slowly but purposefully towards a bus stand, where she sat, not blinking not sleeping, scared as a child would all alone. Almost 6 hours later she heard the silent Hiss of the 6 15 bus coming slowly around the bend, by now her handlers were probably looking for her she thought, she couldnt have cared less.

She got into the bus which would take her to the grand central station where she would take a train to her destination, she knew it would take a long time, she had to cross 6 states to get to Las Vegas, Nevada.

Four days later she was in Denver, Colorado. It was mid morning the air was very hot, she wanted to get out and stretch her legs, after asking the attendant when the train would leave, she left the train and into a world anew.

It was hot so everyone around the small station were staying inside where there was shade, Alice however happy with her new found freedom wandered out, out of anyones view. She was admiring the view when she felt a sharp blow to her head, darkness over came her as she fell to the ground uncouncious.

Far away inside the station, the news was on and a mother was pleading to the public to help her find her missing child, the reporter then clarified that this was the third of the missing children in Denver in the past two months. With a worried face she also states that Denver might be facing a serial child molester on the loose.

down the sink

2008-02-24T18:14:00.004+05:00

...life moves we r dead...

...it ironic the things we dont see...
...those moments in life you cant have back..
...things you wish you never did...
...words just uttered as lies...
...to just feel helpless...
...unable to bleed...
...robotic...
..

picture taken by : xenocry

p.ai.n....

2008-02-19T01:41:00.002+05:00

control

2008-02-14T10:56:00.003+05:00

an hour a day i get to live,
trapped in this hole, trapped within my soul,
its never empty, my mind with these thoughts,
its like itches of self pity, swirling around inside a bowl,

i see the walls crushing me,
can feel the breath of insanity,
fell the fists of fury, burying me,
i am in deep, blind within sacrilegious bullshit vanity,

mist upon mist of total darkness,
chained to the wall of my conscious numbness,
breaking the rules which never made sense,
sitting alone in the middle of a black painted fence,

bound to the frame that i hold my soul,
i am choking, i need relief, i need my control,
i need my control...

the sexual adventures of the third kind

2008-02-11T19:53:00.000+05:00

maldives is one of the places in this world that we see this phenomenon. its not new, its been here since the first "raiveribey" saw a young girl going to the potty on the beach. Sex in its raw form, with no strings attached, just the lifting of the "kandiki" and going at it on a big banana leaf. No need for formal introduction, no reason for a relationship, just raw animal sex.

waking up in the morning, alone in bed but still feeling the warmth of the body that ravished your entire body from head to toe. the stranger who just swept you of your feet by just a smile or a wink. you remember your hormones going crazy, a similar erection between your thighs, your adrenaline giving you just enough juice to inch your way towards a night of passionate sex.

but it does lack something, in the morning shower even if you try to, you dont remember the strangers name. is that a good thing you wonder? is that raw passion enough for me? is sex the only thing that matters? many mornings pass by when you finally realize either that its not enough or it is. but then again you`re too old to get either.

an old human being has limited chance of this phenomenon happening to them, its a scary fact of life, the older you get, you loose that twinkle in your eyes, you can only wink with a wrinkled eyebrow, you loose your hair, you get fat, and you realize that just being attractive was the only thing you had going for you.

finally you are sitting in a chair, alone, possibly married to another desperate soul seeking the sole purpose of intimacy but finding out that sex doesn't have that edge to it and you end up unsatisfied, not even close. but you do have memories but sigh wishing you could just remember one name...

never ask why

2008-02-08T02:40:00.000+05:00

Springing into the darkness,
I never knew where I’d fall,
All then I could see was blackness,
I just knew it would end it all,
My misery my pain,
I could then let go,
The humiliation the fear,
I could throw out the door,
I never knew I would keep falling,
Never stopping,
I just know somewhere along I stopped yelling,
And crying,
No tears no emotions left in me,
I just fell,
Counting the days,
Till I reach hell,
Finally I see the ground,
The darkness around me is gone,
The tears the pain,
Are leaving me,
The fear the misery,
Says goodbye to me,
Finally I can breath,
As ground rushes to meet me,
I thank god,
"Thank u lord for freeing me"…

races worth running

2008-02-04T01:47:00.000+05:00

sun shines, blue skies,marmalade and jam,
its annoying when it happens, when you really believe being sane,
life's uncanny ability to scream into your face,
when you need peace and never keep up to its pace,
5 years old and already scrawny,
it wasn't easy, we never had Barny,
bored as hell with reruns and fighting mutants,
hoping for something new with no talking elephants,
life just moves on never looks back,
just makes you change, never ever good for heck,
fat as a new fed cow, inhaling burgers,
it becomes your outlet, friends posing as fakers,
join the school band, hoping for just one ability,
life strikes again, "a fat ass" being a disability,
again life moves on, and it gives you new feelings,
girls stop become annoying, their bodies get new meanings,
stopping your mom from dressing you up,
pleading your dad for new glasses and interval money instead of syrup,
walking home, with freshly made hair,
making sure girls looked on when you walk in flair,
never knowing they never looked up, never cared,
never knowing that life's just never that good, and you my friend was never spared,
now your forty, your hands on your face,
smoking like a chimney, life moving on with its pace,
sitting alone in a boring dead end job,
hoping against hope your hypocritical boss doesn't call you a slob,
thinking about how life just screwed you up and let you down,
listening to a new song thinking you never had a chance, you frown.

"but i cant do this on my own, no i know, i`m no superman".... (Superman - Lazlo Bane)

life's scary, life's full of surprises, many of them very scary and you always get the feeling you are never going to be able to handle it and even if you are going to how??? but sitting down thinking about it forever doesn't help. life gives you chances to do the right thing however scared you are, you have to do it. some need a little bit of a nudge, others a shoulder to cry on and mostly a sense of total security but in reality you just need yourself. living life is the biggest race we ever get to run and the funny thing is we all think our lives are harder than the person next to us. its never easy being human, but someone told me something i forgot for a long time. "if life was easy, we wouldn't be here, we would be up there in heaven, there wouldn't be rules, there wouldn't be disappointment and better yet there would be nothing to fear".. i miss you kuda mom.

L. .F ..I .E

2008-01-27T23:01:00.000+05:00

revolving around the starry skies,
it comes and goes but then again its all about tries,
on a short sword, we all have to stand,
inner waterfalls of caution and care, it shouldn't all been planned,
short stories or long, we come crying,
we try to cheer, try to laugh, we all try to leave, flying,
waves of pleasure, rainbows and pain,
tears of laughter and moans of vain,
ruined friendships and new found lovers,
holding hands and sending flowers,
making cards and getting hit in the groin,
start to smoke and totally feel insane,
sex on the beach, coffee in the garden,
riding around aimlessly, past guilts as a burden,
music of tomorrow heard endlessly today,
sweet melody never heard, become lifeless, just prey,
lonely, books of wisdom held unread,
hot as hell with nothing to do, stare at the ceiling above the bed,
movies loose their taste, series are never funny,
food tastes different, sleep never comes easy,
rain as predictable as the sun, its gloomy and sad,
helps mind to wander, loose calm and caution, then it all goes bad,
demons which rise, talk us into a corner,
deceit and hunger, makes us ask why, makes us wonder,
what if, what if, what if, what if, what if,
loses in the past, uncertainties of the future,
can we find an end, can we find closure,
technology then comes into play,
lets us be close to the ones that say,
be optimistic and gay,
its not the end and it will not stay,
never be alone when we are here,
life revolves around starry skies, but never fear,
we will make you laugh, make you fly, see you off with joy and care.

2008-01-23T21:11:00.000+05:00

I find it fascinating that while we men do all we can to loose our virginities per say, many women stand firm in not loosing theirs.

L.M.F

2007-12-11T10:58:00.000+05:00

what do i do, what do i say,
how happy i would be if i knew how to play,
a simple logic magic trick, in the world anew,
boiling my mind i can but just grab a few,
its never too easy, its never too hard,
its just in the middle, where i cant be, its that sad,
mind the lovely mine fields of words embedded in numbers,
i just cant seem to see them together, in my mind its just a bunch of blunders,
keep at it and you will eventually give up,
that is my motto, but i guess im never special,
neither here, neither there, neither when needed, neither when not,
its just an existence, its nothing proud,
its just bare minimum, just enough..

See Me Fly;

2007-12-09T00:12:00.000+05:00

why do i fly? why can i fly?
its easy, its simple, its out of this world but not unreal,
i met this girl, with two lovely cheeks each with a dimple,
she became my friend, we hung out, we drank coffee and it went really well,
it was night, outside our favorite coffee shop, outside the garden where i first saw Angel,
she was standing in front of me, just with a smile,
just looking at me, eyes twinkling, with two lovely cheeks each with a dimple,
i saw her anew, i saw her for the first time, i didn't say anything, then i couldn't tell,
that standing before me, waiting for my friends, joking and making me laugh, it was my Angel,
i stayed quite, i spent the night just looking and wondering and it rang like a bell,
i liked this girl, i loved to spend the time but was that enough for her, i couldn't tell,
would i take the risk of loosing a friend, would it all go down the well?
i chose to ask her out, i didn't know how, i had nothing to sell,
but i did do it, i stuttered, i slurped the words out, generally i didn't do it so well,
i sat there looking at her, waiting for an answer, seriously, that was hell,
and she said yes, i thought she would beat me up or at least yell,
but she said yes, smiling, with her two lovely cheeks each with a dimple,
i didnt know it would go this far, i never thought it would be so simple,
i didnt know life had a way to go on, just enough give to rekindle,
but it has come to this, it has come this far, and will go on till we both wrinkle,
a friend you were, a great help then and you have made life great my lovely Angel,
life might have moved on, if you had said no, with but just a yell,
but sore turned to sweet, huge became of little,
so i am here on my knees with just one promise, more of a will,
i will love you, take care of you, irritate you,
till this body expires, till i wrinkle and whittle.

Love u Angel, Happy anniversary, i know its a little early but maybe you wouldn't be able to read it that day... :*

White faces

2007-12-05T00:53:00.000+05:00

monotonous tones embedded in the sides of white faces,
thinking of future, tears welled up inside and betting on dog races,
orange lights that light the streets, not that of the moon, not of stars,
smoky black clouds that encircle ones sky, standing behind a mind of bars,
i came to see the future, the beginning and the end,
it started with just one, with just a few twists and a fucking bend,
white scared faces who believe in intelligent life and rules we abide,
easily hypnotized into an illusion, an end we cant decide,
it so fucking obvious that we were just a plan,
why do we need to find why? what would we gain?
red faces why do we need a purpose? why do we need to know?
isnt it just obvious we are just puppets, a stream with even flow,
flying machines and coffee beans, Styrofoam and barbies with crossing seams,
wireless connections and 7 elevens, gas stations and lucky sevens,
it is all the truth we need,
sad white faces just smile and you can see that all we were meant to do,
was just breed, breed, breed.

The Sad Cycle

2007-12-03T20:16:00.000+05:00

life saddens me,
why cant we all be free?
in a world where we need to survive,
screaming and shouting we arrive,
why cant we all see,
thats its not enough just to think, its only me, me, me,
why cant we stop having territories,
hurting in our list of priorities,
a haven for those who belong, a hell for those who dont,
is it really a choice between cant or wont?
life saddens me,
its never enough we see,
the terrible things around us, we always let it be,
in the beginning and the end, we were would never be free,
time just makes you forget, and we smile with glee,
but its a never ending cycle, we just let it be,
surely life always saddens me,
i hear of everything thats wrong around me,
its never enough we see,
in the end, we are all left with just thinking, "me", theres only "me".

Silent pathway

2007-12-03T00:39:00.000+05:00

i scar, i ruin,
i am inevitable, i am doom,
i am not your enemy, nor your friend,
i am your pathway, i am your end,
many embrace me, many are afraid,
i come before you are ready but always when said,
i come in many ways, some horrific some not,
i come even before your first words, just a bundle in your cot,
i am not sorry, i have no emotion,
its just the way its written, it was never a caution,
you may curse me, hate me, wish i never existed,
but i will not falter, i will not fail, i shall never be wasted,
i take you to your home or the end you did not want,
but you have the freedom to choose, which i have not,
i do scar, i do ruin,
but i am not your enemy, nor your friend,
just a pathway, just your end.

Eternal Sunshine

2007-11-29T23:38:00.001+05:00

eternal sunshine in the valley of my darkness,
prison gates opened in the heart of disaster,
im leaving this life behind me,
with just a smile in the name of openness,

sing with the birds that fly in my name,
life will see to my fate, love will keep my fame,
go with the flow without the fear of being wrong,
move myself to the rhythm of my phoenix song,

family be singing in my light and my darkness,
friends be friends in the light of all sadness,
my love be my life for eternity and the end,
i grow old knowing everything will join and together will mend,

opportunities for pure sorrow given up for bliss,
belief in the inevitable and a chance for eternal caress,
slave to happiness, in a world i create,
its a sea of forgiveness in the name for no shame,
where truth or dare have no place, its never a game,

just a smile knowing this will work,
for a lifetime, which is "not" so long,
i am not afraid, i am not sad and definitely not in a fork,
i know where i am, i know where i belong,
hence the eternal sunshine, in the valley of my darkness.

cant be mental so i guess it must be the other thing :S

2007-11-29T21:38:00.000+05:00

croak my way to the end,
i will cry till the end,
lifes mysteries will prevail,
and i find my self in vain and insane,

the sun cant melt my cold heart,
geography will keep me apart,
when love meets life i will fail,
i will then be the cause for the noose on a neck so frail,

secretly i will keep my secrets,
runaway with me my lies,
sail the open sea of eyes,
i will be empty eating with the butterflies,

"oh devil mother once again i suckle on your smoky teat",
i dont want to stop the inevitable,
i can see the blood, i can see my throat swell,
but theres nothing left, not even a drop in my well,

death would come in sweet melody,
in a bed where im alone and cold,
ironic i would have noone to blame,
when i see the light in the distance,
my life will prevail and i will still be insane.

Paranoia:

Psychiatry. a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.

2.	baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

I am a lie;

2007-11-29T11:18:00.001+05:00

I crave for your passion,
I crave for your tastes,
I crave redemption,
I crave for release.

I am what you make me,
I am what you are,
I am of any size,
I am powerful, i can leave a scar.

I can convince anyone,
I can convince even you,
I can go to any lengths,
I can destroy without a clue.

In the end you betray me,
In the end you become untrue,
In the end it was all me,
In the end i was crude.

Troubled

2007-11-20T22:32:00.000+05:00

As if the devils belly,
Growls the winds and thunder,
Rocking the small little house,
Where Aunt Mary sleeps alone.

Hunted for generations,
In a world of the curious,
Now she stands alone,
In the rocking small little house,
Where Aunt Mary sleeps alone.

Flames enveloped her kind,
Only their remains she could find,
She vowed revenge for the slain,
Near her rocking small little house,
Where Aunt Mary sleeps in vain.

Aunt Mary she`s so alone,
Aunt Mary she sleeps alone,
Praying for the souls gone,
Weeping lost and alone,
Aunt Mary she`s so alone.

She woke up one day,
And smiled once before she could say,
"Hallelujah, I have a plan",
But Aunt Mary she was too slow,
Death had come to her before her vow,
To her rocking small little house,
Where Aunt Mary now lay dead unknown.

Aunt Mary she was so alone,
Aunt Mary she slept alone,
Prayed for the souls gone,
Weeped lost and alone,
Aunt Mary she was so alone...

Weird Dreams

I was running from a bunch of weird looking people who just had the intent to kill me, i cudnt see their faces just a weird blur of teeth and blood. I could actually feel my feet hitting the ground, my heart pumping twice or maybe even thrice its usual rate, i felt the fear grip inside me and twist, butterflies swirling inside my stomach it was so real but it was a dream... and a re occurring one, i dont wake up in sweats, i dont wake up yelling to let me go, mostly because i wake up before anything happens. I have forgotten many aspects of the dream except a woman i keep seeing all the time, old granny, white eyes, white hair, Caucasian, maybe just an image i`ve seen that my mind keeps popping up but its eerie the way she always looks at me as i run by, she just looks at me, and at the small moment, i feel more scared of her than the crowd behind me. And i cant remember why the crowd comes after me in the first place. Pity i cant see the whole picture im guessing my minds making its first masterpiece nightmare.

2007-11-18T12:35:00.000+05:00

sunshine daisies,
made up phonies,
sitting in a tree,
k, i, s, s,
i, n, g,

roses r red,
violets blue,
in the end,
we never have a clue,

ring a ringa roses,
pocket full of posies,
oh shit oh shit,
we all say bullshit.

sell me, sell me my soul

2007-11-14T12:54:00.000+05:00

drawn by: Xenocry

what world we live in now,
where food comes in cans,
and water we have to buy,
with every disease we have to have scans,
and like birds we can fly.

what a world we live in now,
where we can talk from our hands,
and in hiding show emotion,
where food is served in pans,
and tragedy we can see in slow motion.

what a world we live now,
where God is an illusion,
and devil a form of excuse,
where life is bought and sold with selection,
and love a nuclear disaster with a fuse.

when we tell tales

2007-11-04T21:36:00.000+05:00

what do you do with secrets? i mean your own stuff? do you keep it to yourself? i mean really really dark secrets, secrets. What if you knew a secret about another person? i mean you know, one of those secrets a friend tells you in the dark cause they cant look at you face to face while telling you. You had the persons future in your hands right? Power to humiliate him, discredit her, so what stops us, sometimes? I means not all secrets are kept between two people right? I mean how many of u have retold a persons secret to another person with utmost secrecy while being sworn to secrecy ourselves. "Just between you and me? or hey dont tell anyone else but..."

Secrets are not secrets and most of the time all your close friends know everything about you but we hide behind the unreal satisfaction that they dont know us, "not everything about us anyway" which isnt true we just dont want to believe others would know our little "kicks", our little bumps in the night. Telling others your secrets can be both dangerous and satisfying. Why give someone the ability and power over you? Your life is your own. Your kinky, financial and other desires are your own. Why seek the need to heed the acceptance of your friend, see if there is someone else in the world who likes the stuff that you like? WHY? To feel like less of a pervert? or More humane? Need to feel connected to your fellow man? Or just that the knowledge of not knowing makes us feel alone? guess so huh?

what would you do if you knew someone you loved lied to you though about a secret?.. now thats a thinker..

2007-11-02T23:53:00.000+05:00

wish u had let me know u wernt coming i waited for a long time

i wish

2007-11-02T14:47:00.000+05:00

i wish i was a dragonfly,
so i could zip across the sky,
and poop on a persons eye,
sleep on the top of a tree,
and be caught by the young and glee,
be tortured and then set free,
barely able to fly, grinning i will flee,
next day you will find me,
on the ground next to a tree,
dead but grinning for now i am free.

seriously though i wish i could fly... imagine how easy life would be..

p.s (for the guys n erm.. others) there is a dragonfly in the picture, it took me a while to find it too :P. seriously.. O_O

death sentence

2007-10-31T19:40:00.001+05:00

its real funny how its not funny, how it relates to life and why it makes me remember the inevitable..

bored

2007-10-29T15:22:00.000+05:00

my view.. i took it from my phone .. u have to stand on the balcony for a few minutes n stare into this empty highway to really appreciate it..

what the world would be,
if we all were free,
what would it be,
if we could always see,
beyond the black clouds or beneath the sea,
what a life it would be,
if there were no he`s or no she`s,
what the world could be,
if we did not breed,
what a bliss it would be,
if curious were not we,
what a world it could be,
if in reality there were no we.

vidhifan

2007-10-21T22:43:00.000+05:00

theres nothing i can say,
nothing i can do,
to take back what was true,
i know time will forget,
time does heal,
but scars you will keep,
whisper it in your sleep,
i keep scratching enough,
and end up alone, i will.

below cockroaches

2007-10-20T21:40:00.000+05:00

you know what i dont like? i dont like stupid maldivian blabber mouths.

scenario
im passed out in the streets of malaysia, druggie written all over me. my face sucken in, my hair all messed up, dog poop on my shirt. im there, on the street, my eyes blurry from the shot i apparently just had saying "ey part mee bending namaadhey nooney", now theres a good reason to go and blabber.

"you know that guy, your son, you boyfriend, i saw him passed out on the street, yeah... druggie written all over him.. tsk tsk"

now that i`d understand, taking me off the streets, telling my parents, my friends, thats good.. that would be nice. but when i havent done anything except put an earring on my ear, i expect that to be my own personal shit. i mean what the hell, i put on a stupid earring and this stupid fucker goes and tells my mom, she`s old fashioned, doesnt like it. i accept that, thats mom, thats who she always was, thats why i dont let her know of the way i would like to live. but now cause of that stupid retard she wudnt trust me, not only that, now she wudnt really talk..

nice huh? cause this "person" saw me oh. i mean what the hell is it to that "person" . and the funny thing is that "person" went to my mom specifically to talk about me and went to lengths to convince her? what the hell.. get a life.. why the fuck do people feel the need to do that? i hate blabber mouths, people i dont know, people who dont care about me and neither anyone i love, talking about me. its great coming between people huh? even cockroaches have better meaning in life than them.

cant even do anything about it.. the source remains unnamed... the fucktard..

the unavoidable

2007-10-18T02:12:00.001+05:00

decisions. whats life without them? is it fun, might be. would it not fill you with regret, probably. how do i make decisions? based upon the situation i guess. its not always the happiest of ones. its not always what i want. but i do think the end result would be better. giving up what i could have for something more, or possibly because it was the right thing to do. doesnt make it feel any better though. not at that moment anyway.

but decisions are interesting to think about. a whole concept of individual and endless possibilities. for example based on what i wrote above you have already decided or taken a decision to decide what the hell i was talking about. what was it i did? general wondering at first, then you think about it or you decide not to or read on. what did i give up? curiosity is a decision. to read on is also a decision, hope you make the right one.

ever been at the top of a building wondering what it would feel like to just jump off? itch to jump infront of a train coming into a station? ever held a beer in your hand not able to decide whether to drink it or not? what makes us stop? God, would be an obvious reply but how many of us know what it feels like to really pray anymore? not to be hypocritical but i hear more "oh Gods" in pornos now. keeping the reason as God aside, what makes us not do these things? why do we decide to be normal. why is our goal in life to study, get a job, get married, have a good life and die. again that was in general, guess its not what most want now.

but we do decide to be normal, we decide against irrational behavior. we shun those who oppose it. we decide to value what we have and not throw it away, well most of us do. i do. why i do? its simple, happiness. i dont want to be criticized, dont want to be pointed at one day and told that i was the reason i wasnt happy, that i gave it up. self satisfaction while making others happy, complacensy or a wimp, you decide.

i didnt ask for it but a friend told me that we make decisions based on the situation, it can be what you want or you might regret it later but only time would tell. thats what i think too. decisions are everywhere, in broader view it is the whole concept of life, going back to God now, religion is based on two choices be good go to heaven, be bad go to hell. its ironic we all know this but as normal as we are, most of dont think about this choice much. we decide to feel good rather than be good. this isnt as difficult as choosing a toothpaste, i mean c`mon three thousand types of toothpaste? the choice between hell and heaven is easy, one you get all your desires in the other you burn all the time. decision between bliss and pain, as humans why do we voluntarily or not choose pain?

i had a friend, he did not believe in God, i asked him what if there is a hell? he replied if there is one i`ll burn in it, if not i`ll sleep, eternal bliss. he decided not to believe in God because our religion is mostly based on blind faith. it could not answer his questions. but thats not the case for most of us, most of us have not even tried to understand it. we have been given the decision to choose to learn, to believe but decisions on who to love, who to marry, which career to choose is just too important to us than ,apparently, heaven and hell. is it fair that we will someday go to heaven because we are muslims? for the record, i dont think we will, but then again i`ve already booked a small corner in hells fire.

now you decide to question why i am talking about heaven and hell and the easy choice and the fact that i said i am probably going to hell and why i decided pain was better than bliss, well, because i am like you. someone who doesnt say no to pleasure, who would rather not think about God. a voluntary or involuntary decision based on what makes me feel better, hypocritical i know, you arent any better though. no offense.

life

2007-10-17T14:00:00.001+05:00

2007-10-16T21:36:00.000+05:00

i`ve given up so much for you and you`d never know, maybe its better this way... if u did know.. ud just let me go.

Crimson Blood [Life]

2007-10-10T12:40:00.001+05:00

when you were there,
and when you were not,
i kept thinking of you,
died to be with you,
it was like we were meant to be,
it was new ,exciting, fun, an end i could not see,
we tried so many things,
i was happier than many kings,
we shared so many tears,
gone together through our fears,
i can still see your smile,
the picture hazing all the while,
i felt naked with nothing to hide,
i was sure you were going to be my bride,
we had yet to go through so much,
but it was never meant to be so we had the big crunch,
i sailed away with no one beside me,
i had yet to find that life was worth living but over were we,
i know you know where i am,
i know you read this every time,
and you told me last to be honest, to be true,
so yeah let me tell you, i found somebody new.

i`m happy, i`m content but am my paranoid self but still she helps.. helps alot.

2007-10-07T23:43:00.000+05:00

The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

... happy anniversary Angel.. its been a great year..
love u.. :*

cure

2007-10-01T22:24:00.000+05:00

lost in the valley of the bored,
im sure there are things that cud be adored,
but lifes full of crap, meaningless words adorned,
i sit simply to let the world pass me, im unheard,
wallow in simply a life of self pity, whispers uttered,
a voice in the back of my head, my scream shattered,
force myself upon myself, this is the end and i wud still leave unheard..

the first 11 days

2007-09-26T19:28:00.000+05:00

red clouds of wine,

keep rising from under my bed,
when it bubbles it takes me of my edge,

its nice to see, the wavy patterns,

its nice to see water, after the smoke lifts,

i cant eat the crap of my ancestors,

but i miss it so,

bread crumbs on my finger tips,

crunchy drums which caress my lips,

sitting in a crowded place,

seeing white faces smile with grace,

its new, its different, i have no clue,

just the smoky circles, they fill my room,

i have a circle beneath my ear,

i do nothing but its spiky hair,

its a big big city, with so many orange lights,

and from my friends house i can see my past frights,

lifes too boring, wishes so small,

i miss my Angel and i wish i cud call,

2 months, we promised ourselves,

then i`d be with her, we`d be together again,

shes all i need, its true this isnt a dream.

Rain drops

2007-09-10T21:59:00.001+05:00

its been raining alot lately, im gona miss driving around in the rain with you.
im gona miss riding around in the hot sun,
im gona miss the guys being a pain, i`ll miss seeing you try not to laugh along with them,
im gona miss the jokes about my hair, and the stupid things i say,
im gona miss you telling me, reminding me, scolding me that it was just a joke,
im gona miss the coffees, the garden, im gona miss the countline cakes,
im gona miss my bed, my computer, the music and how i play it loud,
im gona miss dad sending me funny sms telling me after eating the fish to put the balance in the fridge,
im gona miss yalaa and her shouts that wake me up,
im gona miss mom fussing about every little thing,
i really dont wanna leave...family, friends...im gona miss you Angel.

The Job Chapter Two

2007-09-03T14:42:00.001+05:00

The Job

Chapter Two: The Smile

He tore the last piece of flesh holding his opponents head to his body and threw it into the air as a sign of triumph. The sound of the head hitting the cold hard earth could be heard for miles on end. This was not because of the lack of people around the bloody battle but the silence which had come from the brutal end to a brutal battle. Spitting into the crowd around him the winner raised his hands into the air and yelled barbaricly his followers joining him. The roars of success, the expansion of the tyrants reign.

Cypselus had grown his empire. His rise to power had been foretold by the Delphic Oracle of Corinth. He still remembered the night he ordered the slaughter of then the rulers of Corinth Arieus and Perantas. He still remembered the smell and taste of their blood. He still saw their beating hearts as if he had killed them yesterday but his rise to power had been a full thirty years ago.

He was called invincible ergo no opponent of his had ever been able to even lay a scratch on him. Even when he was just a baby, his life was spared by just a smile. Arieus and Perantas had sent two men to kill the infant after hearing the prophecy of his rise to power and their end but the men had not been able to kill him, they could not go through with it for the infant had smiled at them. Cypselus later disappeared only to be known again as the Archon in charge of the military during the wars Corinth had with Argos and Corcyra. The man had come from the shadows and rose quickly in ranks for his acute battle skills and his thirst for blood. By then both Arieus and Perantas had given him up as dead until Cypselus had forced his way into their chambers killing them both in their incestous bed.

The people of Corinth fear Cypselus for the satisfied smile he had after killing his opponents, the way he always cut out his opponents heart while it was still beating, smelling it, looking at it as if savoring his favorite meal. Like a black cloud he increased his ranks, and smashed through all boundaries and walls spreading panic and depression. The fear of everyman, woman and child was the sound of his name. Not being able to know if today was their last.

He walked back into his tent, washing his hands in the basin provided, his smile still upon his face. He had won again. He had conqured all of Greece, he had fulfilled what had been foretold. His mother Labda had hidden him the caves over looking the city of Corinth for most of his childhood. He was told of the dangers of ever going back but he did not fear anything. Not the cold of night, the eyes of the forests, not the heat of the deserts nor a life of limitless deaths.

After his usual fill of wine and sex Cypselus retired to his tent a content drunk smile on his evil face. His son Periander found him the next morning. The tyrant had died in his sleep, still with his smile. His funeral was one that never forgotten by any Greek for centuries to come. The stage they had made for his departure for the netherworld was made 1000 feet high in the air. And when lighted beams of its light had washed over all parts of Greece. The colonies breathed a sigh of relief upon his death but they did not know that Cypselus had passed on to his son his thirst for human blood. His thirst to spread fear. His thirst for the total humiliation and torture of man.

Cyplesus woke from his sleep in a cocoon whose walls were covered with bright red blood. And in the middle infront of him stood a young, pale and beautiful boy. Cypselus smiled.

"Have i died?" he asked the boy.

"Not for the last time" the boy replied.

"So why am i here? Where is this?" he asked, not amazed at the answer.

"You have been here before. As to why you are here, you are going to continue my work" said the boy smiling. The boys teeth were the last he saw as everything went black.

electric red

2007-08-29T00:13:00.001+05:00

when ur minds going electric,

and theres nothing u can do.
you try to turn where u`d find most freedom,
you`d try to be where u`d be most free,
but when it all goes wrong,
and ur floating on top of water,
sinking every few minutes,
u wonder what it was like,
when ppl go away,
and they never come back,
you cough up blood,
but you never tell,
whats life without secrets,
whats life without lies,
whats bliss without ignorance,
what is compliance,
they call out to the horns,
they call out their names,
they say they are creatures,
but still they are all the same,
water upto my eyes,
i reach out to thin air,
a smile on my face,
i drown in my own tears,
white light, the stairway to heaven,
the circle of life,
i will be here,
i will be gone.
i would be insignificant,
but u expectant,
if u have reached here,
please go on,
its almost ending,
this prolonged moaning,
water was cool,
i wanted it hot,
he was not supposed to be there,
but still there he stood,
black as could be,
a face with a smile,
there was just one promise,
just one compromise,
going nowhere,
just staying close,
i close my eyes,
opening my mouth,
water filling my lungs,
i cough up blood,
but i never tell.

The Job

2007-08-27T22:58:00.001+05:00

The Job
Chapter One: The Jump

he remembered the gust of wind blowing past his face. he was moving so fast that even for the 5 seconds he felt free. he let go of all his fears. his mind blank, a smile still on his face as he hit the dirt. then he felt nothing. nothing until he felt a nudge, and he opened his eyes. and there stood a man, expressionless. just staring at him. and he spoke, "you`re dead. now you have to come with me".
"i just killed myself so that i don't want to be told what to do, why would you even dream that i`d go with you?" he said indignant.
"even if you don't want to, you have no choice" said the expressionless man and closed his eyes. and with his eyes everything went black.
then he heard the sea, waves crashing on the beach. and then light. it was light, orangish, yellowish, but there was no sun, there was no sky either. the whole place was of that light. God has style he thought. there were no chairs. no tables and it wasn't a room. just light with the sound of waves. and then she was in front of him. he was taken aback. it was as if she appeared out of thin air, of course she did he thought.
she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, she was perfect. i just committed suicide he thought. why am i in heaven?
"you are not in heaven" she said reading his thoughts.
"is there never free will" he thought.
"there is, otherwise you wouldn't be here, me knowing what you are thinking doesn't change your ability to make decisions, stupid ones at that" she said her eyes twinkling. she was enjoying this he thought.
"ok, so where is "this"? he asked.
"hell" she replied simply.
"so wheres the fire? the moaning souls? torture chambers?" he asked with a little bit of sarcasm.
"below us" she said and stepped back. there appeared a hole on the spot she was standing before and he could see hell. mountains of humans almost entwined together. yelling in miserable pain. with unmeasurable agony. being burnt. and regenerated. crushed. tortured. a mountain of people yelling for death every 5 five minutes of being reborn. he stepped back shocked. for the first time regretting being there. killing himself.
"not a nice sight is it?" she asked her eyes still twinkling, smiling.
"no its not, why am i up here, rather than there?" he asked, just a question to prolong his stay away from whats below him.
"i have a job for you" she said again simply.
"aaannd that is?" he asked still thinking about the fires below.
"kill God" she replied with almost no emotion whatsoever.
"Erm forgive my ignorance but woudnt he know that you just told me that?" he said still dazed from her reply.
"yes he will. i was too blunt for you, maybe. i want you to return to earth and kill the idea of Gods existence from the world." she replied her eyes twinkling again.
"how?" he asked.
"that you will not know, but if you agree you will bend to my will till i reach my goal, the end of the world" she replied.
"and if i dont" he asked already knowing the answer.
"you know the answer to that question" she answered.
"why woudnt i know?" he asked.
"you will be a puppet i create. the standing bet i have with Him gives me the right to mold humans like you but yet i cant force you to obey later, if you do not agree now."
"anything, i just dont want to be there" he replied pointing downwards with his eyes.
"so be it" she said. "i`ll see you here again". she smiled.
everything went black. his mind blank. no memories. no emotions. no thoughts. just sleep. the walls around him started to pulse, constrict, pushing him out. he felt the liquid around him leave him. pushing him out. and then it was so bright. he coundnt see. just blurred images of color.
he coundnt hear, but his mother when her son brought to her, looked up to see his face her face glowing, and with a whisper she said "Cypselus my son".

thank you

2007-08-25T22:01:00.001+05:00

most people get to fall in love once, others are lucky.

i look at myself, and i see, the darkness around me,
i hear, the laughter inside me,
the cackle of disaster, the voice of an impostor.
and then i see you, the darkness vaporises around me,
i don't go deaf, but the laughter recedes inside me,
i become myself again.
the painful memories, the empty thoughts,
the mementos of destruction,
finally leave me.
you help me back onto my feet, you scold me,
control me, and tell me, i could be what i always dreamed i would be,
happy,
and i say thank you, for all your care,
thank you for my grief you have shared, and thank you for believing in me,
when i gave up life, thank you, for holding onto me.

Tagged

2007-08-22T22:55:00.000+05:00

Ummm i`ve been tagged O.o by Paradox

1 – Three things I can’t do
stop being paranoid (i try)
be nice to people i don't like
smile all the time

2 – Three things I can do
love angel
draw stupid stuff (which i call modern art)
cook

3 – Three things That scares me
being alone (without angel)
parents
someone knowing all my secrets

4 – Three things I love
cats
food
my computer

5 – Three things I hate
traffic lights
expensive coffee
Darwin's theory of evolution

now i'd like to tag:
http://abhorrencce.blogspot.com/
http://zingmenot.blogspot.com/

nut!?!

2007-08-19T23:37:00.000+05:00

"Mind is not a celestial state with idle hymns of praise" - Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam; Angel

red

2007-08-17T01:46:00.001+05:00

ring around the bodies,
a casket full of phonies,
ashes, ashes, we all fall dead.

dreams do come true

2007-08-09T17:56:00.000+05:00

its not over. its just started. its been 10 months and two days, usually i`d rather leave and hang out with my friends or be alone. thinking up of reasons to break up. thats what has happened before. the only thing i hung on was the feeling of being alone, then.
what takes relationships to work? guess the only thing would be wanting it to work. and to be honest it takes alot of mistakes to know that. alot of misjudgments. hurt. tears. happiness and laughter. understanding. want.
i never thought a woman could give me the total satisfaction of being with her. gratitude. im not easy to be with. my close friends know that. paranoid beyond reason. i talk of trust but yet fail to trust when i need to. scenarios of mistrust run all over my mind, with but one miss call. yet now, its different. how much love and care does it take to do that? i wish i had a machine or a universal scale. i dont but even if i did, convert that into percentage and i`d get a hundred out of hundred.
relationships are hard for me because of me. external factors, experience, my own genes. my need for my sense of security. take that all into an equation and you get my dysfunctional mind. and yet again you stuck by me. sacrificed so much for me. i cant talk of change for the better because i didnt change but still you stayed. gratitude. i loved you so much for that.
i know in many ways and times i`ve tried to tell you this, failed miserably. the good things in life are so hard to find. i got someone i needed, someone i didnt know i wanted. i got both. i got you. i love you so much for that.
we have come this far because of you. and we are going to live a happy life. 11 months later, 10 years later. because of you. and making me know that makes me love you even more. i cant tell you enough, i cant sing or write enough of how much you mean to me. this is as close as i can get to express it; if sugar turned sour, and blood filled the rivers, if the sun blocks out, and even if i get diagnosed with cancer, i woudnt mind if you are there with me. my best friend, my Angel.

zombinism plus the window of opportunity

2007-07-31T18:26:00.001+05:00

he trod on the mangled carcass of his soul,
searching for what was old,

he knew of nothing but his own whim,

to hold what was meant only for him,

he knew of nothing besides his own sin,

he searched his stone heart sinking it in,

mirthless laughter a headache, a pain,

he was told he was mad, also insain,

why could not he jump and rejoice,
why coudnt he give up, why no choice,
to live in a lie it had always been,
never truly revealing what he was feeling within,
eaten alive by the pointless promises,
his mind divided into countless carcasses,
he crawled then into his empty shell,
never to return, never, until he fell.

a man who crawls into the depths of his own darkness can never come out. why be with light and see when darkness had given him a gift of ignorance. to never feel, to never keep yearning. to never see lies unfold. never having to cry. to be content in solitary. why feel. why be scared. why take chances. why give others opportunity to hurt u. empty shell. he wished he could go there.

i hope u get the irony caligula...

blood of marble

2007-07-30T06:48:00.000+05:00

a man sat wheezing,
he was old but not frail,
he sat sweating,
his hair waving as if a sail.

a girl lay near,
white as marble,
she looked frozen,
as if no emotion was able.

a white sheet,
blood in the middle,
her head on a pillow,
once soaked in tears.

pearly white mist,
rose around her marble body,
the mist formed a figure,
its mouth wide open, its eyes bloody.

then came the sounds,
their house rattling and shaking,
then came the yells,
and his heart stopped beating.

invisible hands around his throat,
killing him was what they had sought,
it was over before it began,
he had gone, there just laid his body, once a man.

her mother woke up confused and alone,
where was he?
where had he gone?

she found him in the foyer,
sprawled on the floor,
she had found her husband,
who had died reaching for the door.

she cried,
she whispered,
she begged,
and she hoped.

a cruel laugh came,
a cruel laugh went,
life moved on,
and she found out what his death had meant.

it meant freedom for her child,
it meant sleep,
it meant life could move on,
her child had no more reason to weep.

she played on the swings,
as any kid should,
she laughed and smiled,
as much as someone so scarred could.

her life was never normal,
nor was she,
but she had her revenge,
and she did break free.

2007-07-28T02:34:00.001+05:00

even the smallest little things... how old u grow.. u never grow..u r never free.. i wana be a kid whose independent..

red Angel

2007-07-25T08:43:00.001+05:00

most were being good for goodness sake
but you wouldn't pantomine
you are more beautiful when you awake
than most are in a lifetime
through the haze that is my memory
you stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

i know i can be colorful
i know i can be gray
i know this loser's living fortunate
cause i know you will love me either way

for my Angel, miss you alot loabs.

Ultimate Candy

2007-07-25T06:42:00.000+05:00

God treats us the way we would treat our kids. I mean God tells us not to lie, fornicate, get high, gamble etc. etc. We tell our kids not to jump up on the bed, nor say bad words, no football in the living room, etc. etc. and in the end we, both humans and God alike make a promise. God promises of heaven, we promise the kids whatever they would find "heaven like" IF they behave.
Heaven is the ultimate candy for any man or woman. Ignoring the usual facts of being able to do anything there, i have thought of another reason why i`d be happy IF i went to heaven. IF i do get to heaven and pass its doors, gates, or "something really cool that i don't even know about", i`d know that this life i`m going through was worth it. I`m going to know that child molesters, rapists, killers are in hell, burning as they should. That would be one hell of a satisfaction woudnt it?
I thought God was strict, and he is. And dont let your islam teacher fool you when she says, "Islam dheenakee heyo faseyha kamuge dheenekey". Its not. I`m no expert on it but still for me its not easy, and i`m thinking that it is the whole point. Life and religion and rules were not made to be easy. It was meant to be hard, degrading, cruel but then again to be followed, with dashes of happiness and pinches of hope. We may not be the universal scientific experiment, or maybe we are. Just have to wait and see dho? We`d know either way in Heaven or Hell.

Malfoy Mansion

2007-07-24T02:55:00.001+05:00

read the book.. kept imagining what that part would look like..had to draw...

salazar

2007-07-21T18:19:00.002+05:00

for my Angel, who likes him so much.

bleach

2007-07-19T19:07:00.000+05:00

i drew this today while on duty... i miss watching bleach.. sigh

kid; me

2007-07-18T07:22:00.001+05:00

cartoons, homework, fret about the quran page i had to by heart, wash my bicycle, get break money, hang out with friends, moan to stay out till nine.. sigh i miss my old problems.

Reality

2007-07-15T15:57:00.001+05:00

he stared at the churning water. it was water with a tinge of yellow in it. i need to drink more water he thought. putting on his boxers he came out of the bathroom. wonder where all my friends are he thought, noones called me for a long time. he looked at his watch, oh its 3 in the morning. no wonder noones up. his computer was on, thats weird he thought i could have sworn i had fried her sockets before sleeping. But why is she blinking he thought? the beating he had given her wasnt enough?

he crept slowly near her? why was he afraid of his own computer he thought? something he loved? even given the fact that he blew her brains out every once inawhile. he knew she loved him back too, even after a power surge or even when her cables get damaged or eaten by rats she tries so hard to load up. and she does. most of the time. so why was he afraid? maybe because someday she would just blow up. leave him. get fed up? hurt him? he crept near. and reached out to touch her screen. her bright blue screen. he felt the cool glass. and then nothing. his hands went through it and a second later he was forced in.

blue, its so blue he thought. bright bright blue. this is crazy he thought? how the hell can a person be sucked into a computer? maybe because he did not have a problem with it? giving in? let him be taken.let her drive. show him what she wanted? what she feared? it was hot he thought. not a fire hot. not the kind you get burns from. not the kind you get cancer from. it was the hot you get after eating alot of pepper with mint leaves. but it was all around his body. not confined to the grinding, churning and mulching part of his anatomy. it felt good. almost ticklish. dangerous and safe at the same time. as if telling him she was no danger to him but the rest of the world, watch out. and then he felt nothing. maybe he closed his eyes too soon. he opened them and he was out of his computer. in the darkness of his room. he heard the raindrops falling carelessly on his window. felt the sweat formed on his face. a cat purred near his feet. her eyes trying to find reason for his absence. he didnt look down, he just smiled and thought; i love you too.

hollow,happy,honoured

2007-07-10T14:43:00.000+05:00

ever wondered why people look at you for no apparent reason? people you dont know. you are stared at just because you existed. just because you were in their vicinity. but why stare though? what is it about you? do you look retarded or too good to be true? how can you be sure? we never see ourselves for who we are. we see images we create. we see what we would want to be. with a small voice in the back of our minds telling us, nagging. we are not what we show we are. that helps. for you. not for others. maybe its selfish, maybe its just survival. who cares really. if we did care that would not be enough. or invasion of privacy. that would be asking for... alot. why do people stare at you? i dunno. maybe they have nothing better to do. maybe they see something they like. maybe something they dont. i`ve learned to not give a damn. to alot of things.
i miss going for coffees with a person i call my friend. who is my friend :S . whose version of reality astounds me. its true. its interesting. its new. its scary. its realistic. and i do miss it. ever wonder what your life would be if you never let anything get to you? or never let anyone get to you. its not love. not just love. people. shit that happens. the lyrics of a song. what your mom says when she see`s you in the morning. when you see you daughter bleed. when you see yourself in the mirror. when you think about the stuff you wanted to do before you turn 50. a chapter from a novel. would we be able to call ourselves hollow if we dont let things get to us? if we really didnt care? or call it being safe and secure? and self satisfaction? i dunno. learning though.

"The selfish theyre all standing in line...
Faith in their hope and to buy themselves time.
Me, I figure as each breath goes by,
I only own my mind." Eddie Vedder - PearlJam

happy anni Angel

2007-07-09T06:21:00.001+05:00

life is never perfect you taught me that. its not what you want it to be but thats ok you say, i loved you for that. i have been happy, i have been sad but most of all i`ve been really glad that for once in my life i know im secure and safe. im glad i have you. to love. happy anniversary Angel.

unconditional darkness

2007-07-07T23:50:00.000+05:00

life gives you this hope. this elavation. its like im in a womb again. i dont open my eyes. i dont breath from my nose. i dont eat from my mouth. i dont do anything except comfortably stay in one place. occasionally kick around to get to a better position. womb is not like a cage. its the perfect place to be. oblivious to the world. comfortable. and then you get pushed out. you feel cold rubber gloves hold you around tight. thats when everything you think your life can be, changes. you planned to stay there comfortably. undisturbed. then theres lights, and voices and ugly faces. all telling you what to do. what not to do. what cant be done. and they explain to you why. like i care. i was in the perfect place i wanted to be. i was safe. i was secure. i was warm. i was loved. and i had to do nothing to get all that. at the time just my existence was enough to love me. i was not subjected to dissapointments. i was not subjected to be the source of pain. unconditional love. i think thats the only place and the only time in anyones life that they get it. but you never stop wishing for it. you never stop hoping. you never stop planning. i dont. many think thats my weakest point. i think so too but i wudnt stop. if i stop i know im giving up. what else do i have to live for?

i felt stupid, down, and unreasonably moody today but some people did cheer me up. thanx. you know who u r.

lose

2007-07-05T17:20:00.000+05:00

Disillusions upon the face,

its like extinction coming for a race,

behind smoked glasses we stand,

trying to hide our souls, but we pulse out loud like a marching band,

lifes unbearable pains of being weak and diseased,

with but one hope of hanging onto the one we pleased,

but its all just a metaphore of broken dreams,

nothings real, its just another way to be broken until you scream, he screams,

gone always are times that were better,

gone looking forward for the future, accept life, accept the bitter,

you think you see the sun come up,

helping false insecurities flow, like water from a tap,

you see the world as they see fit,

tit for tat, tat for tit,

thats how the world revolves,

taking everything you have, thats how it evolves.

business proposition

2007-07-04T23:43:00.001+05:00

all humanoid maldivian bloggers and other interested parties. do you want an original tshirt to give to your girl? original as in a hand painted. one of a kind. want one for yourself? its cheap. the only thing you have to do is provide me with a tshirt and 50 Rf. if you dont have a tshirt i will get one for you, you just have to give me 70 Rf and yeah tell me your size. so holler if anyones interested. cheers!!

below: its a tshirt i have drawn. all designs would be different. hoping for customers!!! :)

scream

2007-07-04T10:03:00.000+05:00

done

2007-07-03T18:46:00.000+05:00

im done guessing. im done hoping. im done giving in. im done going. im done coming. im done planning. im done.

relativity and us

2007-07-02T17:06:00.000+05:00

i have the typical maldivian brothers, there when you need them and way more succesful than you are. and intelligent. very very foni. hehe. so i was eating in one of their apartments one day and me and my sis in law (favourite person in the whole world) were pestering my lawyer bro about his eating habits. he does this funny thing which didnt make sense to us. i mean he complains about a curry being too spicy and that he coudnt eat cause its spicy. but sometimes this changes and he eats mas mirus like theres no end. so we were talking about that teasing him aslu. so in his defence he goes and says this. "kulhivun is relative to a person, like weather". so this got me thinking. and i came to a conlusion that yes, everything is relative. like you may want your gf to call you twenty four hours a day asking you how you were but at the same time your friend might want their gf to leave them alone give them space. everything is relative to a specific person, thats what makes us different i guess. how we react to stuff. how we take stuff. how we appreciate it. how we love it. how we lose it. how we belong to it. how we accept it. humans are facinating, i mean if someone started writing a book about he would never stop. There are more than billion people in the world and everything single thing in the world is relative. We react differently in billions of ways. Makes you wonder more and more that we may be part of a bigger experiment... a universal one.

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. " Albert Einstein

thoughts for someone i love

2007-07-02T11:29:00.000+05:00

i dont know how i will ever tell you this. there are times when life makes us go crazy. when life makes no sense. and the only thing we can think about is why? i dont know why God picked on you. I dont know why he made you suffer. I dont know why he made you loose faith in him being fair. Aslu as screwed up as I am, i guess im not the perfect person to tell you that life is going to be better. Just there is something i would like to say. In my life people have hurt me. And if God had a will in that or not i dont know. He has taken people around me. People who i have loved. I have lost friends and few more. I have no connections with many of my family. God willed that or i did it to myself i dont know. Maybe i do but then again that is something i never want to think about. People have hurt me. People have betrayed me. People have lied to me. People have left me. I just want to promise you something. Life brings us waves and waves of misfortune. And there comes people distinctively to hurt us. Its like they have a factory for it and they do come. But i promise to stand by you. Through lifes deceptions on whats right and wrong i`ll be there to help you choose. I`ll help you smile when you dont want to. Help you cry when you need to. I promise you that i wont give God a chance for him to make it possible for me to screw up what i have with you. He can never get that chance. Because i Feel free with you. i can smile. I love you Angel; i would never leave you and i promise to never change.

office

2007-07-02T11:22:00.000+05:00

Office is so boring now. Am glad to leave this place. Today all i did was draw on my hand and take pictures of it. See? This place has nothing to offer me now. I have nothing to offer it. Some love this place, i guess i just didnt appreciate it here. Hmmm...

So this is the life i would like to lead.. u know with lotsa money as salary. i dont mind about work if i could do it in a given time. but can take breaks in the middle. i would love a job like that, anyway it would have to be an IT one... computer nerd!! "O-O"

pointless

2007-06-30T09:31:00.000+05:00

he sat in the dark. a cigarette burning red and orange the only light in his tiny room. he was listening to music. coldplay at that. Chris Martin was talking about lifes disappointments. About what life took from you and what you coudnt replace. About when you got what you wanted but not what you needed. Lifes disappointments he thought. He took a huge drag from the almost finished cigarette and put it out into his homemade ashtray. A square plastic box with some water. Lifes disappointment's, now that was one big topic.
He had thought alot about something for a long time he thought. It related to how much he had disappointed the people around him for a long time. About how some of them didnt even know the whole truth. Or even half of it. He had been thinking about their breaking point. In science he learned of the elastic limit. Limit upto which a rubber or any material can be stretched. Pass that limit and it breaks. So what was the limits of the people around him he thought? What can he tell them about the stuff he has done in his life that would freak them, gross them out? What was the skeleton in his closet that would make them leave him? Their breaking point from him.
He was torn between the two core feelings. Regret and fear of being alone. He regretted things he had done and wanted to be honest and bring them out into the open. Tell the people around him what and why he did it but he was afraid of loosing them, the fear of dying alone. He knew in all his life he could not find the breaking points of the people around him because it was not universal. So how was he going to come out of this sane? Guilt was like a dozen big slimy worms twirling, squeezing, slouching inside your very stomach. Screaming inside your own head did not help either he thought. What was he going to do?
He could always take a risk he thought. Put himself out there. Tell them what he did and hope for the best? He then saw an image of him as a baby. Half naked with just a diaper on. In his crib. Crying his eyes out. There was noone around him. There were no hands to take him from his crib. There was no bosom he could find comfort in. There came no words to comfort him. He was alone. Vulnerable to the worlds every whim. And he cried and cried.
He lit up another cigarette, he was going through alot he thought. It was almost 3:00 Am only two more hours to go till he needed to be in office he thought. Wish he could have slept he thought. Wish sleep could have come easily. Wish he did not have to sleep alone he thought. He wondered what all married men enjoyed the first few years of their marriages. Besides the sex part. To be able to sleep with someone you love. To feel their warmth against you. To hear them breathing carelessly. Their eyes fluttering if they were having a dream. Waking up in the morning to see that persons face. The natural beauty entwined with the mornings first rays of light. They get to brush their spouses hair from their faces to get a better look at them. Wake them up with a kiss. Hug them. Cuddle. And if its Friday go back to sleep. Who would loose an opportunity to have everything he ever wanted by taking a risk he thought.
He then thought if a one time convicted rapist could love someone. It be a man or woman would this person tell the person he/she loved that once before in his/her past he/she violated another woman or man? That would be a skeleton they would take to their grave. And because they dont tell anyone, can we condemn them for it? If you think about it no woman would trust him but he could really be in love. But how do we know that he thought? How can you measure a persons redemption? It was just like any other feeling like love, it could never be measured. The world does not give you second chances when you do alot of things. This being one of the filthiest one of them all, how does a rapist tell what he/she did? How do they overcome the fear of being alone?
What if it had been a child molester? The worst kind of humans imaginable. What woman would be comfortable to have kids with this man. Or vice versa if it was a woman molester. But they still are humans, can they not have a genuine need or want for a child of their own? Maybe he thought. What he was sure was that noone would trust them. Noone would give them a second chance. He woudnt have he thought. He dragged hard on his finished cigarette, burning his lips a little with the burning part of his cigarette being so close to the filter now. He licked his lips and looked at the watch 4:55 Am. Time he got ready he thought. Yawning he gets up and leaves his bedroom.

paranormal

2007-06-29T23:06:00.000+05:00

this is my favourite tshirt. its special too. for one thing i drew it myself and for the other i drew it for myself. its the first tshirt i hand painted. any one want a schmarty original? hehe

heaven

2007-06-27T11:23:00.000+05:00

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

hope,desire,death

2007-06-27T09:03:00.000+05:00

Theres this thing about life that no one knows about, except God. death. we don't know when, how, and at what extent it will come to get us. will we die old in our beds. or fall to our deaths from 20 or 50 feet. a car crashes into you while you were out grocery shopping. you get cancer. or a heart attack. or you get knifed and stabbed and slit. do we die screaming at 30,000 feet above sea level plummeting to our deaths. do we get killed or die naturally. everyone talks of the blackness or darkness of life and the loneliness and about being betrayed and some even wish they hadn't been born but a very few of us would actually have no problem with dieing. right?/?

coffee

2007-06-25T21:21:00.000+05:00

coffees are the best medicine to lifes ups and downs. but aaahhh wudnt it be nice if we got them for free all the time??? -_o

wordless

2007-06-24T18:30:00.000+05:00

the world had slept atleast his world had. the sea stopped making waves. the wind hid itself behind the clouds. the moon though was shining bright. as if daring the sun to come up and push it away from its throne. he was sitting on the beach. crazy ideas of moon and sun gods fighting over the heavens rolling around his head. he had had an exhausting day, an exhausting day of fun. a picnic to an island with his friends was no picnic at all. it was sand in the eyes, tackles to your legs and the usual throw your buddy from the jetty end. life was pretty good he thought. so what made him feel lonely right now? love?

what is love he thought? he had said it alot of times. people had said it to him too. was it the physical attraction towards the opposite sex or the mental connection? both he thought. but physical attraction starts it? he guessed. if a person had no physical attraction towards another person they would not go after them. but then again what about those people who meet through the internet or by letters or via phone? there are always pictures he thought.

he had thought for a long time that love was what drived a relationship. but it just started it. love burns out with passion. and the only thing that keeps you going would be the will to be with each other. understanding each other. well he did not like love at all. it made you make these promises to yourself. to your partner. it makes you blind. it makes you stupid. but then again he would rather be in love than not. just made life more easier to have someone to dump all your insecurities onto. your beleifs. your nightmares. your dreams. your life.

sex is overrated he thought. he had read alot about it. and had listened intently during chse classes. sex was not for pleasure. it was meant to be purely an act of spreading ones seed. this was one of those things in religion that he did not understand. why give us the feelings of euphoria while having sex when we are not supposed to do it for pleasure? but the again noone seemed to care. people were having sex all the time. getting busted. getting married. getting divorced. sex is overrated but it was one major thing that drived the human psychi.

he had been hiding on that part of the beach for almost an hour now. soon they would find him. the thought brought chills. wondered what they would do. he wished for anything else but a push of the jetty. guess he should go back he thought, brushing sand from all over his body he gets up and leaves...

myself

2007-06-22T00:12:00.000+05:00

faithless

2007-06-20T14:23:00.000+05:00

he`s sitting in his classroom. it had been a normal day. normal for majeedhiya anyway. obscenities, porn, pranks and teachers fuming. homework! he was bored. what was the point of learning how to make raivaru? education, was it not supposed to help us in the future? teaching us everyone language is a different thing. they should make a new optional cultural class and make the people who go to that learn all this. the teacher was going on and on about a great maldivian poet. he was looking at the teacher and he did recall him talking but as always his mind wandered.
it was 11th september and everyone was talking about the planes and the twin towers and the pentagon. what would it be like to be one of them he thought? one of the Al Qaida. growing up in a place where you have no freedom. in a place where every step you take, you take for your survival. growing up with words of wisdom to hate all but muslims. what about faith? that total determination towards your God. being able to press the button that you know will blow your body into tiny pieces. what drived them? faith or the anger towards being suppressed? both he thought. but what Al Qaidha did that day, was that Jihad? he was never good at religion. for some people it was like a second language but for him there were things he did not understand. maybe this was one of them he thought. he had always had the idea that Jihad was killing in the name of religion when you had reason to. when a group of people were invading you to take away your beliefs by force. but then again this world cannot be fought with swords now. the enemy does not come to your doorstep to attack. but still killing the people in those towers, was that Jihad? has the world come to such a point where the only way to relay a message is to kill a whole lot of people? is that the only way to make us care? people are disappointments he thought.
he grew up here. good old male`. he was young when luthufy and the gang came to invade us. to take charge. he did remember being afraid. he remembered seeing his mother cry. people around him cry. he also saw people getting ready to fight back. come out blazing for freedom. that was the first time he had heard a gun shot. it was a loud bang. the bullet carrying with it, a secret. you never know from where it will come from and where it will go. we felt that rush of insecurity and helplessness for a very short time. he imagined what palestinians go through every day. what it must be like to believe that while having a meal, it could be their last. a fate worse than a man on death row, atleast he knows when he is going to be killed. and he could have his favorite meal as his last.
he was nudged back to his classroom by his classmate. he rolled his eyes as he always did when he was brought back to reality. he always chose when to leave it and when to come back. maybe that was not the most constructive of ways but it was his choice. his freedom. he smiled when he thought about all the things he cared about. the list was very short. made him wonder if that would ever change? the bell rang it was the last class of the day, nothing to hold him back in this jail he thought. pushing everything into his bag he gets up and leaves...

TOP 4 GO FOR CHARITY

2007-06-20T13:16:00.001+05:00

Charity football match with the best teams joining together in Male`

Come help the kids and have some fun

Call Care Society @ 3322297 to get tickets

chainless

2007-06-18T17:24:00.000+05:00

the suns just coming up on the horizon. its a whole new day. he sat on a "bajiya ga". thinking of nothing special. why he was there at dawn? he really didnt have a reason. just he had nowhere to be. out of the blue he remebered a movie. where two guys are talking about smurfs the cartoon. they have a theory that papa smurf makes the "blondie" the only girl smurf so that all the other smurfs can have an orgy with her. it was a cartoon he thought. when we were young we see it, enjoy it, we dont even think once why there is only one female in the whole community. well he didnt he thought. why do we change so much. the world changes us, our thinking? but why are we so singly concentrated on one thing, sex. he just didnt know why almost everything revolved around it. sometimes he knew that was all he talked about. what his friends talked about. we change so much he thought.
the sun had risen basking him with the first lights of the day. its hot he thought but at the moment he still had nowhere to be so he didnt move. he remembered a time when he hated girls. he didnt like the way they talked or walked. or the way the teachers are always nice to them because they are girls. he smiled he was jealous too he thought. but it all changed. it was something inevitable. he grew up. he got new feelings. girls he hated, things he hated about them turned to things he looked forward to. their "annoying" voices turned to melodies. their "annoying" walks made him look at them more. he smiled he had changed so much. he smiled, he had forgotten the boy who always made faces at girls behind the teachers back.
as a kid life is in black and white he thought. meaning its not so complicated. you dont need to know much except what others think you should know. and while being a kid you think you are being left out, when you grow up you know it was far better being ignorant. its suprising the things we wish for. as a kid he always wanted to grow up. now he wishes he was a kid again. its like basic economics he thought we are never content with what we have. he remembered once where he had seen this movie where a kid makes a wish and wakes up an adult. he remembered he wished the same thing that night, except this was real life. he felt pretty crappy at the time but now, he was glad.
a kid has responsibilities but we are not monitored as much. if we do our homework, recite quran and do all our work before parent-teachers day then we are ok. as kids we are called angels. sweet hearts. loabigandu. chubby cheeks. we are the center of attention. we get gifts. we get alot of free stuff. we get to cry and everyone accepts that. people not liking it is another thing he thought. his mom always said he was one baby that never cried as much as the others. sometimes it never seemed that there was a baby in his house. maybe thats why he is such a devil now. maybe he thought. moms cant be wrong all the time.
he had heard that when babies or kids when they die they go straight to heaven. no long lines. no judgment day. he guessed thats why many angels are portrayed as babies. the cupids are anyway. it would have been great to die young he thought. a clean slate. no regrets. no pain. no sins. no judgment day. but for him he thought that would have been too easy. he was going to go when God wanted him to go. nothing changed that fact.
the sun was fully up now. he could see life stirring around him. motorcycles going by. people coming for an early morning swim. women and men trying to jog. and little kids coming out to play, with no care about the world. he smiled, about time he went back he thought. he gets up brushing sand from his jeans, he leaves...

helpless

2007-06-17T20:14:00.000+05:00

he sat in the rain. on a swing pushing himself forward and backward. not really knowing what he was doing here. he came up on his terrace climbing five floors to get wet? maybe to be alone? he thought noone would be that dumb to be sitting in this freezing cold. it was cold. he was freezing. he looked around there was no life around. the birds that usually flew over his house were probably hiding in shelter. a baby pigeon hiding under its mothers wings, her mother protecting her. the thought brought a smile to his face. basic instincts. was that what drived all animals? do they not know what we call feelings? maybe they do not in the complex way that we feel them? when he was a child he was told that to name his little niece they were going to slaughter a goat. he did not actually comprehend what he was about to see. he did not mind the blood. nor the wailing. he did not really flinch when the goats innards came tumbling down onto the ground but that when he looked at its eyes. it was crying. he looked away and did not look again. one question flowing through his tiny brain. why was it crying? he thought about it now, why was it crying? the obvious answer was that it was in pain. no anesthetic was given to it. no pain killers, it would be in excrutiating pain. we jump at a cut and it was having its guts spilling out onto to the floor. what if it was something else? would it be crying over its helplesness? it had no control over its life. thats a disturbing thought.

do we have control over our lives? besides the not knowing when we will die, our lives depend on a cycle of events. it depends on the people around us. the weather. he smiled at the thought he was sitting in the rain. he probably would not be there if it had not been raining. and even if he was there he might have been smoking but because of the rain he could not and he thought that cigarette could have been the one that killed his first lung cells beyond repair, exposng him to lung cancer. that was a wild chance but he knew it was not impossible. humans since time began have been asking ourselves, asking others even tried to ask God why we were here. muslims and christians and many more beleive we came here to spread our seed and pray to God. buddhists beleive all life on earth is based on a cycle, when we die we return as something else. many of us still want to know why? and why do we want to know that? we dont want to feel helpless. knowing we have no control over our lives. we have this blindfolded belief that our decisions help us go ahead in life. but really we dont, it always depends on someone or something else.

its still raining and he is still freezing. about time he had a feg he thought. he gets up and soaking wet leaves...

mindless

2007-06-16T16:23:00.000+05:00

he`s waiting in the dark. looking for a way out. he`s eyes adjusted to the blackness surrounding him, he see`s a sliver of light. he tries to move towards it but he`s held by unlimited amounts of chains. snarling and clawing at his misfortune he decides to wait. with time one by one his chains leave him. he feels happy. he almost hopes. he dreams.
a blue and black hole. he`s floating. above land or below sea he did not know. was he even in a medium? he looks up for the light he seeks. listen for the rustle of wings. but its empty. he`s hollow. he wakes up.
he`s chains are gone but what to do now? go towards the light? what did it hold? more chains perhaps? what should he do? sit in this darkness, his abode for so long or leave it into light, of which he knows nothing. he decides to move towards it. maybe get a small glimpse. maybe a small taste. but that would have been too easy. inch by inch he got closer when suddenly he`s jerked into the light. ages of being alone, he had no intention of crying for help. noone would come. he did not even know if anyone else existed. so he let himself be pulled in. he closes his eyes.
it was warm. he remembered his past. he was an infant once and people did exist then. he remembered this warmth. of being held close. he remembered hearing this perfect beat of what people called the heart. he also remembered being pulled away. helpless he would feel but no tears nor cries of pain brought back that warmth until it wanted him. that made him angry, he opens his eyes.
white surrounded him. the brightness surprised him. it bothered him. his anger turned to fear. why was it so bright? something had to be dark? how can brightness exist without the dark? he started moving. if he was going towards anything or not, he moved. looking for just a flaw in this brightness. belief, something he had lost, was it coming back to him? Was all he lost returning to him? could he learn to smile again? thoughts running through his head he see`s a lost soul. he thought of what he would say. what he would ask. if even it would reply.

"i do not smile, i do not laugh, i do not seek heed, living in the past." it said.
"i am lost, i am alone, i have nothing to give you, except my past." he replied.
"go on, get lost, you have nothing to offer me, except your pitiful past." it replied.
"kill me, free me, i do not want to live a lie, but before you do accept my past." he replied.
"loathe me, curse me, for i do not give a damn, but go away i do not want your past" it replied.
"i am what i am, i change for no one, i will not go away till you accept my past." he said.
"crazens have come, foolers have gone, but you still stand here, i will accept your past." it said.

Rannamaari

2007-06-14T06:27:00.000+05:00

He narrowed his eyes, to see better in the bright sunlight. "Finally land" he thought. He had travelled for months since leaving his abode in Saudi Arabia. What he was looking for even he did not know. Maybe he was not looking he sometimes thought, somethings looking for him.

Ibn Bathuha a handsome and young man sat at the bow of his travelling ship, looking at the island infront of him. "Beautiful" he thought.

Once the ship could not go on any further, he and few of the crew got into a small dingy and paddled to shore. With big smiles and almost yellow teeth he was greeted by the islands children. They stared wide eyed at his clothes. Which he thought would suprise them because he was fully clothed while the children were barely hiding their privates.

"Asalaam Alaikum?" enquired Ibn Bathutha, almost knowing there would not be a reply. The children not knowing what he had said started chattering to each other and he caught one word. "Baguvaan".

"Hindus or a mix" he thought. He tried again using a mix of languages which included Sinhalese and Hindu dilects. This time he got replies and was almost pulled to the islands innards. Smiling along with the children and glad he had the ability to learn new languages, easily, he let himself be pulled. The island itself was not so big but there were trees that facinated him. After a while reaching into a certain amount of jungle he brought his right hand in range with the hilt of his knife to protect himself from any wild animal but this sense of danger was fast evaporated by the looks and vague assurances from the chattering monkeys jumping up and down around him pulling him further into the jungle, further into their lives he thought.

Pulling a small branch aside to get further he came to realise he was where he was supposed to be going. A big clearing sat in the middle of the jungle with small houses dotted around what looked like a giant arrow nailed to a post. "Odd" he thought but could not be alone with his thoughts because just at that moment a voice said "KEYSEI HOA?" and a big large hand was slammed across his back. Barely able to speak or breathe Ibn Bathutha turned around, smiling with all his might at the large man, with large hands, large feet and a large smile. "Teek hoon" he replied.

The night was filled with giant fires and spicy food. Fruits were not of variety. The only fruits he was offered were mangoes, watermelons and coconuts. The people of Mahila Dvipa were not the friendliest of people but after awhile they did warm upto to you. Ibn Bathutha sat most of the night just looking at these people. In his travels he had seen alot of people. He even met a tribe where noone wore clothes but here while eveyone was wearing something, just there was something wrong here. It seemed sexual, almost an invitation?

At dawn Ibn Bathutha was out walking in the village after doing his prayers. With light he saw things he did not before. Hindu Idols with a mix of buddhist busts. Figures he thought these islands are not so far from the Lakshadweep islands of the Hindus. Walking on he came to the post with the giant red arrow. It could swivel he thought. This was probably used for their rituals, this he had to see. The day went without incident, he observed that while men went out into the jungle women did not. They looked at the surrounding trees with an almost fearfull look.

"Banm banm, banm banm"

Ibn Bathutha woke up to this banging of drums. It was almost night the suns rays just leaving the horizon. He put on his clothes and ran out of the house. He came to the center where behind the pole with the giant arrow was made a huge fire. The chief the large man had just turned the big arrow so that it was spinning now. Ibn Bathutha was amazed at the pin drop silence of the crowd. He also could not help but feel of a coming doom. Finally the arrow stopped it was pointing to one of the houses. A woman standing infront of it, fell to the ground and started crying, which progressed to alot of unrecognisable yells but Ibn Bathutha got a few words which in his mind he arranged into a sentence. "My only daughter to be sacrificed".

The people of Mahila Dvipa were afraid of a demon. An entity called the Rannamaari. It rose from the sea. It was a large black entity. With many glowing yellow eyes. It wanted one thing to take the life of a one young female. "Why only young females?" Ibn Bathutha thought. Every six months it rose and took from the island one of its loved ones. After hearing the story he went to the house where the arrow had pointed. He knocked on the door and went in. Inside a young woman barely at the age of 18 was being washed in a basin. He looked away, more for respect than anything else. He went out for awhile and returned and he saw that her mother and some other women were now applying a yellowish cream to her body which was now covered with but a red and white striped sarong. All the while her mother was silently crying. Ibn Bathutha sensed the lack of any man in or around this house. And he was informed that the mother was a widow and she was loosing the only attachement in life. Ibn Bathutha frowned and heard his own voice in his head, "maybe somethings looking for me". He smiled.

The stars were bright but it did not do justice to the white shine coming from the moon basking the small cocoon like house on the beach the islanders had made evidently near the area from which the demon comes on to land. Here the girl was supposed to meet her end. Under the blankets she sat when there came a loud booming voice. Translated; "Im here and i wont go, till i get what i came for". From the sea came a black figure from a distance it looked huge with four bright eyes burning fiercly. As it came near it seemed to shrink, the black figure turned to a black clad large man. And the eyes, large four lanterns held together by a large stick he had put on both his shoulders. "Come to me darling" he said with a snarl. Sexual frustration filling his harsh voice.

"And go not nigh to fornication; surely it is an indecency and an evil way, has said my Allah. And here you are the man who should show the path. This is what you do?" said Ibn Bathutha revealing himself from the blanket as he stood up. Amazed the large figure tripped backwards falling on his back revealing his face. "Chief, i did not expect this from you" said Ibn Bathutha his eyes narrowed.

The sun rose next morning to the cheers from the crowd gathered near the beach cowering over each other to get a glimpse of the man who had defeated the Rannamaari. Ibn Bathutha then told the people of Mahila Dvipa the miracles of Allah. His teachings. The simplicity in what he beleived in. The extrodinary power of everyones God. And one man and woman at a time he made them beleive in Allah. And not suprisingly the high chief was the first one to become a muslim.

The well known Mahila Dvipa, "the island of women" came to be known as maladvipa, meaning "garland of islands". Its sad history not even to known to its own people but a handful.

F.R.E.E

2007-06-09T03:34:00.000+05:00

im free, im a bird

i can fly, and be never afraid to fall,

i have reached my haven, my rest place,

my shoulder to cry on, hand to hold on,

i can smile, i can laugh, i can jump and i know she would break my fall,

hands clean i can walk straight, and never be afraid of lost memories,

look forward to the future, finally i can breathe,

not be afraid to hope, not be afraid to be happy...

Immoral

2007-06-08T23:18:00.000+05:00

I gave me away

I could have knocked off the evening

But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold

In a way I lost all I believed in

And I never found myself so low

And you let me down

You could've called if you'd needed

But you lonelily got yourself locked in instead

Welcome back Angel !!!

2007-06-05T05:56:00.000+05:00

deep in an ocean of sand,
i tried to swim without my jacket my guiding hands,
i tried to see in the dark,
without my torch my guiding hands,
i tried to sleep but cudnt,
without my content my guiding hands.

Am so glad you`re back Angel. Missed you a lot.

conchelia forda

2007-06-02T00:47:00.000+05:00

The "Dhajaal" of Diseases

2007-05-31T14:11:00.000+05:00

A young girl is sitting in darkness and thinking, "my boyfriend gave me AIDS and to think i was worried about getting pregnant".

AIDS is one of the most feared diseases the world has seen. And as of yet no cure has been found. AIDS is an STD (sexually transmitted disease) that attacks and destroys our immune system and leaves us for other diseases to feed upon us. It is deadly and spreads rapidly among humans and the only reason why it does so is that we don't realize how dangerous it is or we have misconceptions, over zealous religious beliefs and also because some of us don't give a shit about it.

In Africa one of the most AIDS infected continents, there were beliefs by their shamans or witch doctors that to cure AIDS you had to have unprotected sex with a child. And surprisingly (for me) this was widely believed in their communities. Child abuse cases sky rocketed and smiling along with it so did the HIV. Although these beliefs are somewhat limited at the present day its still not totally disbelieved. Even in the most developed countries like America and UK, AIDS is a threat they are fighting against. The world is doing alot to prevent the spread of this disease. HIV screening, anti AIDS campaigns, awareness programs. The world is accepting this as a threat. So why arnt we?

How many of us know someone who has AIDS, a Maldivian? None im sure but what if i were to tell you that someone with HIV in their blood can be sitting in front of you. Next to you. Even be on your bed. Why? because its here. AIDS is in Maldives. Its inevitable isn't it? I mean how many of us go abroad and have sex with people we barely know? How many of us go to cheap Indian clinics to have abortions to hide our little secrets? How many of us actually has the guts to go to a clinic and buy a condom when we arnt married? How many of us made out or had sex with the prostitutes brought to Male` and how many are still doing it?

We know this but we are ignorant to it. We know of friends who go abroad just to have sex with prostitutes but did once we think about asking him to go to a clinic to check? And it doesnt stop there he comes to Male` has sex with his girlfriend breaks up with her, she starts having sex with someone else and the list would go on right? Its like a vampire story it starts with one person, but with a bite, with just a transfer of blood or fluid, he spreads it. But the sad thing is life is not like a movie, when you die you die.

And oh i wonder what else? oh yeah HIV testing is not mandatory in the Maldives. The few people who find out that they have HIV find it out by accident, sometimes when they have to do a medical or something. You have to live in abroad for atleast 3 months for you to be "eligible" for any kind of testing. We dont have to stay 3 months to get HIV. We know that but theres this one single little detail thats really important to us.

"Sa`thain Sa`thah Muslim Gaumey". A 100% muslim country woudnt have AIDS right? Maybe at the rates of 15 which is the official count of HIV infected people in Maldives. Out of 3 laks only 15 people. I dont think we should be dumb enough to accept that. Not with all the stuff we know about ourselves. Our own society which is not what it used to be. We have random sex. We have blood transfusions, drunk nights that we cant remember about, we have cheap sex and we do have a gay and lesbian society among us.

Maybe we dont see AIDS effected people around us. And thats not suprising because AIDS to take complete control of your body takes time. Its dormant for most of your life but comes out banging. Our country is new to this virus, ofcourse we cannot see an epidemic of dying people. Lets give it 10 years. Wait it out. And see. Many of us may probably think right now that, what if i test and its positive? Theres no cure for it, why should i know i find out and live in the sorrow of knowing i cant do anything about it but thats where you are wrong, YOU make a difference by knowing you have it YOU can prevent it from spreading to others. YOU are the most important asset to this fight for our survival. Its just like thelesemia.

We need awareness in this country. Awareness about AIDs. "faahaanaathashin AIDs ey nujeheyne, salaan kureema AIDS ey nujeheyne." Thats not awareness, lets talk about how you can get it? And why it is important that you know how to prevent it. And here religious beliefs come rigidly into place. We shoudnt give out condoms because we are not preventing fornication we are accepting it and promoting it and saying that its ok to have safe sex.When would we stop this hypocrytical bullshit. Why do we kid ourselves? We have the most pathetic kind of living system known to man. 'The do it but dont talk about it' system. We all know what we do. And we all do it. but talking about it is taboo. And the people who actually want to talk about it are well, you know where they are. Giving out condoms or relaying messages of safe sex doesnt mean we are forcing or promoting the young to have unmarried sex. We all know that the world as it is, its enevitable that they would have sex why cant we think about that? Why dont we talk about that? Why dont we try to atleast prevent our young or old from spreading these STD`s? And then talk about the religious aspects of it. And are we doing anything to stop fornication? keeping government aside, society, us. Are we doing anything?

How many STD`s do you know? Gonoreah, syphillis..dheno? AIDs right? But how many diseases are there actually? And its not only AIDs as an STD that kills if not treated right, any of these can kill you. The whole point of this chatter was to tell you that you are living in a world where information is being freely given out. (internet!! use it) You have to take care of your own life. The amount of knowledge you know can save your life. For example did you know that Crabbs an STD can be transmitted from a toilet seat? It can be. Now think about all those toilet seats you have used in public places. Mind boggling huh?

And for a common misunderstanding while saliva being a bodily fluid and while it can transmit the HIV virus you need 5 Gallons of saliva for that to happen. This is true for HIV but there are other STD`s which can be transmitted easily through saliva. STD doesnt neccesarily mean that you have to have sex (penis in vagina, penis in anus) to get them. Some tests have shown that some STD`s are more prone to be caught by exchanging saliva, these diseases are mostly found in people who prefer to have sex with their own gender where alot of saliva exchange would be needed. But mind you anyone can get these diseases.

Let us leave this world of hiding behind walls and accepting us for who we are. Humans. We make mistakes. We have carnal urges. And we do submit to them. Lets admit to this. Lets admit to our mistakes. Lets help others not to make them. Do the HIV test. Encourage others to take it as well.

P.R.O.Z.A.C

2007-05-29T16:41:00.000+05:00

"you`re like santa clause..on prozac..in disneyland.. getting laid" phoebe - FRIENDS

i dont know how people like (described above) survive in this world. maybe not as extreme but you are there arnt you?

im not an optimist. why be one? whats being an optimist anyway, its like (to me) of being a pushover. you hope for stuff and when you dont get it you`re ok with it? and thats what always happens. you never get it. and what smile about it? hope for the best later? appreciate what you already have? im tired. looking at people smiling at each other knowing they both hate each other. im tired of being in the middle of two people doing exactly the same thing to each other and trying to find a justification for their actions. im tired of being that guy. im tired of being wrong all the time. im tired of acting. im tired of trying to genuinely smile sometimes when im boiling inside. im tired of just being ok. and im tired of people smiling at me when they want something and not give a fuck when they dont. accept that? nooooway. and you`d be lying if you say you dont go through it. thats a life we all go through and i dont see any, any reason to be happy about it. how do you guys do it?

"Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight

Until the end of my life

I don't know if it's worth it anymore"

we have a sick twisted reality. where anyone can do almost anything and still get away with it, if they have the power. and power is up for grabs. the majority gives them the power and sit back and complain. be optimistic about that? why? your grandmother is on her deathbed but you`re too busy to go see her once because you`re having a coffee with your friends or sex with your gf or work or whatever. and she`s supposed to say "oh well, he loved me even if he didnt show it" and forgive you and be ok with it? and that happened... i just dont know how she did it. i dont know.

"Far away

This ship is taking me far away

Far away from the memories

Of the people who care if I live or die"

expectations? dont you guys have them? optimists i mean, and i will walk around naked if anyone can tell me that 50% of their expectations have been fullfilled. the way you wanted it to anyway. how do you guys smile in the morning (except for you annoying "morning people"). when you get up doesnt the rush of being alone or defeated or poor or betrayed come whizzing into your heads? i cant sleep as much, but when i do its a relief, its the best high (i`ve recently learned) but like all highs you get slammed back to reality and usually its in the morning. you get up humming? me i just wish i could go back to sleep. but have to work, have to earn..gota buy cigarettes. :$ but you guys hum. and you`re genuinely happy that its another great day to be screwed over. ok ok not everyday is like that. most days i actually smile too. regardless of what i have rambled on about. because there are things that go right in my life. its good. its great. but i dont have reasons to go over the moon about it. appreciate it, yes. but hope that it would happen all the time? noway. not now.

"Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations"

i have learned something about life, it dishes out but changes menu all the time and its like humans, it chooses the easy thing to make, the cheaper thing to make, the convinient thing to make, and those are never happy. not when it comes to you anyway.

"My life

You electrify my life

Let's conspire to re-ignite

All the souls that would die just to feel alive"

color

2007-05-29T07:08:00.000+05:00

haze

2007-05-27T10:15:00.000+05:00

She sat on the sofa
The darkness hiding her face
But you could just see her
If you could look beyond, beyond the haze

She moved into the light
Just allowing you a peep
You try to get closer
But your feet are stuck together, they have fallen asleep

She sat staring in your direction
But not looking at you
You feel a shiver, a chill down your spine
And you wonder, is she looking inside you?

She again moves a little forward
Just so that her lips catch the light
You think to yourself?
Will I kiss her tonight, or hold her tight?

She sits still
As you inch your way towards her
But suddenly she laughs
Gets up and moves near the fire

You get up too
You want to go and stand beside her
Reach out for her hand
Or maybe really hold her

Before you make up your mind
She makes her move
She starts to move boldly towards you
And your hearts stops; is this love?

She is so close now
That you can hear her heart
You can see clearly the color of her eyes
The brown buttons on her shirt

The redness of her lips
The moistness of her tongue
The softness of her caress
The fullness of her chest

but then she moves away
moving her hips you watching it sway
but she turns around for one last look
that small look was what it all took
to make you move towards her
to hold up your arms and try to catch her
but like smoke she moves away
slipping through your fingers she fades away

family

2007-05-27T05:50:00.000+05:00

a guys lying in hospital, he`s old. he`s seen time pass by him. And he`s alone. Where was his family? His kids? Brothers? Sisters?

He remembers when he was younger and much more fitter, when he had kids surrounding him having fun. asking him for stories which he had gladly told. but where were their delightful screams now? why was he alone?

The first relationships we develop are with our families. These relationships teach us how to crawl, how to smile, when to cry and when to bawl, they teach us our own name. How many of us has ever thanked our parents for teaching us how to talk? I guess we never think about those things, maybe not because we think that they are trivial or something natural that happens, maybe because we take these relationships for granted. Alot of people do. Alot of people beleive that whatever they did their family would stick by them. This could be true too, but we dont thank them for it.

In families, for me its not the closeness when we are having fun that counts. Its great, its alot of fun. To me what counts is the whole family being there for each other when something wrong happens in your life. When you are sick, when your wife leaves you, when you are diagnosed with cancer. I count the family being there with you, sharing your grief and trying to make you feel better about it as closeness. Isnt that what we would all want?

In living, we have our own lives. We grow up find a girl and settle down, have kids and start our own families. People are busy, the world is going past us we are literally running to keep up with it. And for me i dont mind not seeing my brother or sister for an amount of time. Its great when we take time to just have fun or to talk about life. Or politics, probably to take out our frustrations in either work or other relatioships. But i dont mind not having this regualrly as the 8 oclock news. because i know when it comes to being there for you when you need someone, they will be. and vice versa.

Parents, the only two reasons for our existence. Sure alot of kids think their parents dont understand them. Well yeah. Whose to say you`d understand yours? I mean to say many parents think for the good of us. What they beleive might not be what we want but still if you think about it, in the end it might do you good. Happens to me alot. Maybe you dont have a dad who talks about girls with you. Maybe you dont have a mom who asks you how your day was each time she see`s you or just calls you out of the blue to see where you are just to check up on you. Maybe that closeness is not there, and maybe theres your fault in it too. But if you have parents who would go to the ends to make you study. Teach you about life. Give advice however much you hate it. Then they are parents you would want to be like when you have kids.

We cant choose our parents, we cant choose our family. For a few of us its a gift we appreciate from the beginning. For others we never really appreciate even having a sliver of this. And for most of us, we wait for too long to appreciate it.

*thank you Angel

dreamsss

2007-05-24T06:20:00.000+05:00

chocolate milk

2007-05-24T04:59:00.000+05:00

she had just opened her eyes, sensing her husbands absense she started to get up to find him and remembered he was on a trip in the islands. She sighed and plopped back into bed but wasnt asleep when her two little kids came into the room, argueing as usual.

Hakim jumped up onto the bed and shouted "thedhuvey, thedhuvey", he was four.

"Hey dont talk to your Mom like that Hakim!" said his sister Eva with a frown on her face. Standing with her arms pressed against her hips, she was seven.

"Whatever, sis" replied Hakim with a 'do i look like i care' look.

"and dont talk to me like that either" said Eva with an even fiercer look than before.

"actually u wake Mom up usually with your yelling, so puleeese continue, please" said Hakim smiling from the corners of his mouth.

their mom sensing that she had to get up now said, "ok ok so why are you two fighting, its morning you know".

"Hakim dhai noogulhan vegen eindhee ais" said Eva.

after pulling his tongue out at his sister Hakim said "Mom brush my teeth, Dad huri iru he brushed my teeth nu, i dont wana do it by myself"

"you know you should grow up, you cant depend on Dad to brush your teeth you know, when you grow old he`s not gona do all that dho Mom?" said Eva and looked at her Mom for support.

Her mom looked at Eva then at Hakim and thought "i`d rather not take sides"...

"Ok you guys go get ready, i`ll make you breakfast" she said finanlly.

"what are you gona make me eat?" asked Hakim loudly his eyes wide open, it was as if he`s mother had told him to jump of the roof.

"what do you want Hakim?" asked his Mother

"umm chocolate milk, and nothing else" said Hakim

"ok go, get ready." said their Mother, "Hakim.. now please"

she got into the shower and was just drying her hair when their was a ring on her phone.

"Hey loabs" it was her Husband.

"Hey, was just thinking about you" she replied smiling.

"yeah? why what did Hakim say?" he said with a small laugh.

she told him what had happened and that she would call later she had to go make breakfast.

"ok, love you babes" he said.

"love you too, bye" she said and hung up.

she put on white armless dress and went out of her room to the kitchen. to her suprise they were already sitting in the dining chairs, each with a book. Actually a comic in Hakims hands. Both had dressed well she thought, probably Eva`s doing. Eva was dressed in a armless blue tshirt which went upto her thighs with little pink shorts. Hakim was wearing his favourite Kakashi tshirt, and his black shorts.

she made the chocolate milks and cheese toast.

"mom i said i only wanted the milk nothing else dho" said Hakim.

"Eva ves kaa hithey ney, seriousleee" said Eva as loud as Hakim.

" i dont know why you guys dont eat breakfast, its the most important meal of the day" advised her mom.

"Mom dont copy what other people say" said Eva an eyebrow raised as she said it.

"what do you mean? im not copying its a known fact" said her Mother annoyed.

"so why are u saying like in a cartoon?" Eva raised her right arm pointing her index finger in the air and said in a deep voice, "breakfast is the most important meal, kids!"

her Mother just burst out laughing and said "mi annanee, make sure you both eat that"

she went into her room but could hear Eva talking.

"Mom ah kithanme jessun kurinyas we should eat Hakim. Mom ulhey iru nukaanee. *hehe* ekamu dhiyaama we should eat" said Eva

"I dont want to make Mom sad ey dhonths, just i miss Dad" said Hakim making a sad face.

"you know you shoudnt only love Dad" said Eva with a little frown now.

"i love Mom too, but Dads more fun, moms like you not fun" he said.

"moms fun ennu?" said Eva her eyebrow raised again.

"yeah i guess, she`s fun with Dad but she`s kinda strict with us" said Hakim

"she`s strict?" asked Eva

after giving Eva a 'as if you didnt know' look Hakim went on to explain, "yeah she like makes me do homework and not watch cartoons all the time and makes me go to bed"

"well thats cause she wants you to be good" said Eva

"yeah but i want to go to school without doing homework" said Hakim smiling again with the corners of his mouth.

"teacher eyrun halhey lavaaneynu" said Eva

"yeah but i like it" said Hakim still with his naughty smile. And then put the glass of milk to his mouth and didnt put it down even when he had finished drinking.

thats when their Mother went back to the kitchen, and looked at Hakim, smiled, raised her left eyebrow and asked, "Im not Fun, Hakim?"

Hakim narrowed his eyes as if in anger his mouth still firmly clamped to the glass. He didnt say anything....

M&M

2007-05-23T14:08:00.000+05:00

STAN

{chorus: dido}

My teas gone cold

Im wondering why i..

Got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window..

And I cant see at all

And even if I could itll all be gray,

But your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that its not so bad,

Its not so bad..

1st chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background 2nd chorus: full volume with beat right after thunder noise

[eminem as stan]

Dear slim, I wrote but you still aint callin

I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom

I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got em

There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot em

But anyways; fuck it, whats been up? man hows your daughter? My girlfriends pregnant too, Im bout to be a fatherIf I have a daughter, guess what ima call her?

Ima name her bonnie

I read about your uncle ronnie too Im sorry

I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didnt want him

I know you probably hear this everyday, but Im your biggest fan

I even got the underground shit that you did with skam

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures manI like the shit you did with rawkus too, that shit was fatAnyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,

Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fanThis is stan

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as stan]

Dear slim, you still aint called or wrote, I hope you have a chanceI aint mad - I just think its fucked up you dont answer fans

If you didnt wanna talk to me outside your concert

You didnt have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for matthew

Thats my little brother man, hes only six years oldWe waited in the blistering cold for you,Four hours and you just said, no.

Thats pretty shitty man - youre like his fuckin idol

He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I doI aint that mad though, I just dont like bein lied to

Remember when we met in denver - you said if Id write you

You would write back - see Im just like you in a way

I never knew my father neither;He used to always cheat on my mom and beat herI can relate to what youre saying in your songs

So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put em on

Cause I dont really got shit else so that shit helps when Im depressed

I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleedsIts like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it

My girlfriends jealous cause I talk about you 24/7

But she dont know you like I know you slim, no one does

She dont know what it was like for people like us growin up

You gotta call me man, Ill be the biggest fan youll ever lose

Sincerely yours, stan -- p.s.

We should be together too

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as stan]

Dear mister-im-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans,

Thisll be the last package I ever send your ass

Its been six months and still no word - I dont deserve it? I know you got my last two letters;I wrote the addresses on em perfect

So this is my cassette Im sending you, I hope you hear it

Im in the car right now, Im doing 90 on the freeway

Hey slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by phil collins, in the air of the nightAbout that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowningBut didnt, then phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him? Thats kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowningNow its too late - Im on a 1000 downers now, Im drowsy

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a callI hope you know I ripped +all+ of your pictures off the wallI love you slim, we coulda been together, think about it

You ruined it now, I hope you cant sleep and you dream about it

And when you dream I hope you cant sleep and you scream about it

I hope your conscience eats at you and you cant breathe without me

See slim; {*screaming*} shut up bitch! Im tryin to talk!

Hey slim, thats my girlfriend screamin in the trunk

But I didnt slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I aint like you

Cause if she suffocates shell suffer more, and then shell die tooWell, gotta go, Im almost at the bridge nowOh shit, I forgot, howm I supposed to send this shit out?

{*car tires squeal*} {*crash*}.. {*brief silence*} .. {*loud splash*}

{chorus: dido}

[eminem]

Dear stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy

You said your girlfriends pregnant now, how far along is she? Look, Im really flattered you would call your daughter that

And heres an autograph for your brother,I wrote it on the starter cap

Im sorry I didnt see you at the show, I musta missed you

Dont think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you

But whats this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clownin dogg,Cmon - how fucked up is you? You got some issues stan, I think you need some counseling

To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some

And whats this shit about us meant to be together?

That type of shitll make me not want us to meet each otherI really think you and your girlfriend need each other

Or maybe you just need to treat her betterI hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time

Before you hurt yourself, I think that youll be doin just fine

If you relax a little, Im glad I inspire you but stan

Why are you so mad? try to understand, that I do want you as a fan

I just dont want you to do some crazy shitI

seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick

Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge

And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid

And in the car they found a tape, but they didnt say who it was to

Come to think about, his name was.. it was you

Damn!

it takes two people to...

2007-05-22T06:22:00.000+05:00

as we all know we have become a community who dont really follow rules anymore. am talking about religion. im not so religious. and dont worry this is not about it. actually i woudnt know where to start. i just want to talk about something which has bothered me for sometime. going back to what i was saying about our generation, its obvious that almost 60 percent of the guys and girls have lost their virginity. and thats not what bothers me, its how we treat the people who get busted for it. dont get me wrong im not going to go on about how we shoudnt bust them. i just dont like how the blame is always put on the girl.

i still remember the first time i heard a story of a girl being pregnant and people finding about it. i remember thinking why wernt my mother and aunts not talking about the guy? they almost knew everything about the girl, her origins, where she lived, where she studied, what she studied, how old she was, when she got pregnant and the list went on. i knew i wasnt supposed to ask why they wernt talking about the guy cause i was little i wasnt really supposed to know anyway.

that happened when i was like seven, the world has changed. people have changed thats something alot of people get up on podiums and shout out loud but have we really? i mean if we talk about this, when was the last time, while talking about something like this, someone told you anything about the guy? or even mentioned the guy? ofcourse if its a friend of ours we`d say poor guy or talk about him but if it was someone we didnt know, oh yeah like seazan and niuma. all i heard was how badi niuma was (that as it maybe) no one talked about the guy, i heard someone say niuma should be stoned or something cause she was married but wasnt seazan too?

so i was thinking why guys actually get away with it more easily than the girls. well in a situation where the girl gets pregnant, the guy could just say it not his baby that would be one but a girl who was seeing only one guy, and everyone knew that, so why woudnt it be his baby? yeah theres always the possibility that she had sex with someone else, its a possibility. so if we consider that as an option why dont we entertain the possibility that the guy IS the father, which hello has more chance of being the truth.

i also thought about why our mothers talk about only the girl. maybe they didnt go out with our dads like we did? they dont know what many teenagers do these days? well they would know, just didnt do it so dont know the feeling.

"the feeling of just letting go, being totally into someone so much that rules dont matter, people dont matter, just that moment mattered, the pain before the pleasure mattered, and you dont think of consequences, you dont think you`d regret it, you dont think when things went to crap the person you love the most would leave you alone, so he could get away, take the easy road" - a friend

many mothers think that its the girls fault that the guy can do what he did. its a given that yeah the girl consented but the guy was there too. he should have "known better" too. maybe we can never make the old generation understand, i could live with that. what i dont like is how this generation, treat the unlucky ones. when they get busted its like, "wow i didnt know she was that easy to get under, the guy must be good". thats discrimination. isnt it? the girls easy, the guys an idol. and why go on and on about someone you dont even know about them having sex and getting busted when you do it yourself?

its forbidden to have sex for alot of good reasons, before marriage. maybe one of them is this. for a girl this humiliation, the betrayal, to be treated unfairly and most horrific of all not having any choice. in our society, to be labelled. for me i see two people, lost in passion, who promised alot of things to each other (them being true or not), who had the chance, the opportunity, and to me both consented, and the guy probably started, the girl would have resisted but its a moment where nothing else mattered. and when it happens we cant change it but we can change this attitude to not only blame the girl.

"I'm reckless and feelin' no pain

You know I've got no need to control

Livin' with the danger

I'm always on the edge now

With million dollar visions that I hold

Livin' like this never ever

Tore my life apart

I know how to maintain

And you know I know my part"

revelation of the month

2007-05-22T05:03:00.000+05:00

"which would you rather choose, an aishwariya or a a dozen nasira`s?" said KK

"one aishwariya" answered Gutlysis Bodelum

"you`ve already got like one aishwariya and i`ve got like 2 nasira`s" said KK. "who has the better deal?"

"I do" answered Gutlysis Bodelum

rockstar

2007-05-21T10:15:00.000+05:00

I don't want to be
a loser...no!...
I don't want to be
an almost was
I don't want to be a white trash
Working class chump
I don't want to be a loser anymore

That's why I want to be
a rock star
I want to be the king
I want to be on top, yeah
I just want to be a rock star
Yeah...
now I just want to be famous
I want to be the guy
That everybody wants
[laughter]

I want to be on TV shows
And wear designer clothes
I want a girlfriend who does
not drink beer
I want to drive a fast car
And sleep with certain
movie stars
I want to sing the songs
That all those little people
Want to hear

I just want to be a rock star
I want to be like all those
people up in first class
I just want to be a rock star
I want to tell the little people
They can kiss my ass

I just want to be a rock star
I just want to get laid
I just want to be a rock star
A different girl
For every day

That's why I want to be
a rock star
Be like all those guys
on the MTV
I just want to be a rock star
I want to make those girls on
the Real World
Fantasize about me

I just want to be a rock star
I want to be the king
I want to be on top
I just want to be a rock star
I just want to be famous

Everybody everywhere
wants to be famous
and everybody everywhere
wishes they could tell
Everybody everywhere
to go to Hell

I just want to be a rock star
I just want to get high
I just want to party like
a rock star
Until the day I die

I just want to be a rock star

pathway

2007-05-20T22:54:00.000+05:00

a guys walking he really doesnt know where he is going. he thinks about this he thinks about that. and suddenly realises he`s lost. why though he thought? it wasnt like life hadnt been good. he had good parents he didnt really appreciate. he had a good family who he had never really cared for. not as he should have he thought. he had a good education but it could have been better, could have done better. and he could have had a series of great relationships if he or the other person hadnt screwed up. nice he thought. pathetic.
and he see`s a road. a path actually. its goes on for a long time. insecure and alone he follows it. and yes he does get screwed. makes him think what the fuck, and that he should give up on it. the path was twisting, winding, going up and going down. most of the time it made him dizzy. actually made him throw up. but then again he was lost and this was a path. faith, was it? he thought that was making him walk. jog and sometimes run on this path. faith that someday the path would end and he would find what he was looking for. a laugh, a cackle inside him. a hoarse voice started speaking. "think you`re good enough to hope?" that was all it said.
self worth, what was it? self esteem? the will to beleive that if you beleive you can do something that you can achieve that? thats inspirational he thought. if i have the will i can i do anything. but what about things which are impossible he thought? i cant fly. even if i flapped my hands and arms. and had the will to. what he didnt realise was there was a limit to ones will.
sweet dreams, he woke up from one of them. envied being asleep he thought. it was his version of reality. his kingdom. he was god. sigh. the path was still not ending. and he was tired and hungry. thirsty. reality was reality he thought then. it never changed. you can escape from it but cant hide it. be ignorant to it but still, its in the back of your mind. pinching, squeezing to get out. AAAAAAAhhhhh. the path had ceased to exist and he fell.
he didnt know how long he kept falling. he saw hands reaching for him just didnt know how to reach them. and which hand to choose. the ones on the right or the ones on the left? which one? someone once told him. "lifes like gambling, whatever you do. when you cross the street, when you buy a new car, when you are taking a shower. when you need to trust somebody". he grabs a hand.
its white. the whole person was white. was it a male or female. he coundnt tell. looked human though. excpet for the wings. and being exceptionally white. he takes out his police sunglasses and puts them on.
"why were you falling?" he/she/it asked
"i didnt choose to" he answered
"destiny is chosen, the path you walk is chosen, life is a choice. its your choice" he/she/it said
"what?" he said with a glazed look
he/she/it smiled. atleast thats what he thought he/she/it was doing. and then dissapeared. great he thought. give me a riddle and vanish. nice. a laugh, a cackle inside him. a hollow voice said; "complain about life, but perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. try to find out what he/she/it meant".

freedom

2007-05-20T05:51:00.000+05:00

wake up

2007-05-18T19:36:00.000+05:00

"he touched me, and noone cared. my mother beat me up when i told her. was it my fault?"

it wasnt her fault. child abuse has been and still is going on in the maldives. what bothers me is we all know it but we dont talk about it? why do only a handful of people go against it? why cant we all? the topic is taboo? well we`re a bunch of pansies arnt we? we dont want to accept that in our society there are fathers who molest their children, mothers who let others "play" with their daughters, even sons. shame on us.

what happens to that person after? its not psychotherapy that they need. not an hour with a person whose done a diploma in councelling. they dont need that. we need to stop this before it happens. a child shoudnt be introduced into the world of sex at the age of 9. they dont have to go through that. i child shoudnt have to go through abortion at the age of 12. think of the means people go to hide their dirty little secrets. flush babies down the toilet? put them in cans and just toss them into the sea. bury them in the forest? babies found like this are most of the time products of male and female consent but sometimes girls are molested and when pregnant forced to be aborted, by any means. your eyes are open with disbelief?

women and men with sexual perversion are born like this. they are born into a world where there is only sex. their only self worth is that they are there to be used, and when they have the power to use others. human beings are different in nature, some are submissive, some fight. we need to help everyone to fight against this. help them. the world is going to crap and we sit in our favourite coffee shops, having our favourite coffee and someone says,

"hey i heard a guy got busted for molesting his kid."

"thats so gross, they should be hanged"

"yeah"

"i hate people like that"

"yeah"

... and then what? we talk about something else. we joke. we laugh. we go on with our lives. its not our problem right? we didnt get molested right? we dont know anybody close who has been right? and the girl or guy who did get molested would probably be ok now that the person responsible was busted. right? nice.

and truth be told we all think this happens in the islands but thats not really true. its happens here. next door. the girl you see or the guy you see who goes to school every morning. the person you probably might here crying "no" into the night but we dont know him/her. its just a person you see, a person who lives near you. broken and alone sitting in their doorstep, crying out with their eyes for help and all we do is, give a reassuring smile? or usually just ignore them. we`re humans right, its always easy to be ignorant. its bliss.

i saw a man being dragged from one end of male` to the other for molesting kid(s). a crowd of people following him yelling, hissing, cursing. good he should be punished more severely than that. but i wonder which them even knew at that time what he had done. and the people who did know, if even they thought about the kids. how they were? we jump not without a moments hesitation when someone catches a child molester. thats good too, but why wait till they prey and prey and prey on young minds and flesh until they become hollow? until they either become sex crazed or broken and forced into a corner.

child molestation is not love. its not an over show of affection. when a man places his hand anywhere near a childs sexual organ its not affection. pervertion. a sickness whatever you want to call it dont call it affection. what happens inside the families stays inside the families? mothers need to stand up to their husbands when it comes to their kids. sisters or brothers need to help each other not be afraid to speak up to whats right. and what do we need to do? we need to let them know its not their fault. we need to make this a society which understands them. give them the love they never got.

hakim

2007-05-13T06:13:00.000+05:00

the stupid island story by Hakim

2007-05-10T23:24:00.000+05:00

two parents were playfully argueing in the corridor, and playfully the mother was pinching the father. the father then grabs the mother and starts to kiss her when,

"will you guys please keep it down? im trying to sleep here" said a lil boy coming out of his room. in his lil pyjamas rubbing his eyes and with hair which went upto his shoulders all over his face.

"mom can you PULEESE have your hangouts somewhere else? maybe you can find a house for your hangouts. so i could sleep here. you know i need to sleep. i have to play the game tomorow and i want to get up. seriously!!!"

"sorry darling we`ll keep it down, lets go i`ll tuck you in again" said the mother. and kind of leaned on his shoulders to drag him back to bed.

"you know you need to start talking in dhivehi" said the mom laying next to him. "how can i, i dont even understand the language" said the little boy indignantly. Sure as the sun would rise each day thought the mother, this was her son. stubborn to the core.

"im not good at writing it, im not good at it MOM!" said the almost asleep but still loud like his mother.

"ok ok" said his mother smiling.

"But you know im good at english, see i thought of a story too. Its called the island. and you are there dad is there and my lil sis.." he was going to continue but his mother cut him off saying, "your sister? when did that happen?"

"no you see i want a sis cause its kinda boring being alone, you know." explained the boy, with his eyes almost closed now. "just listen to the story mom. puleese why do grownups talk so much? seriously!".

"sorry sorry, puleeese continue" said his mother.

"ok so theres me and you and (yawn) daaaad and my lil sis. we go to an island..." said the boy. his mother wasnt looking at him at that moment and after awhile when he didnt speak, she looked at his face and smiled, he had dozed off. she said goodnight in a whisper, just thinking how lucky she was.

"kappithaanu nidhee tha?" asked his dad when his mother returned to their room. "yeah he is" said his mother.

"so what did he want" asked his dad. "a lil sis, peace and quite and would probably want to rule over a country or something one day" said his mother with a snigger at the end of her sentence.

"and yeah he made up a story again".

"aslu? salhi salhi salhi, and about that lil sis thing, i think we could give him that"said the dad smiling wickedly.

"yeah thats what you want" said the mother in a sarcastic voice but still smiling. And thought "hmm i never got to hear the end of his story, maybe tomorow."

*thanx for this Angel.

i`ll be back in a month

2007-05-10T10:51:00.000+05:00

Bye!

free

2007-05-10T07:24:00.000+05:00

" This feeling inside me
Finally found my life, I'm finally free
No longer torn in two
I learned about my life by living through you

This feeling inside me
Finally found my life, I'm finally free
No longer torn in two
Living my own life by learning from you"